Chemistry of a Jess

Party Party Party

2012-02-18T18:47:00.004Z

Had a lovely time at Avinash and Rosalind's 18th last night (as you can see).

My adopted family, minus daddy Pedro.

My feet hurt.

Love xo

30 Soundtracks of my life...

2012-02-18T13:16:00.006Z

This is like that thing everyone was doing on facebook ages ago... just better because I don't have to remember to do it...

1. Your favourite song.

Gah. I have no idea what it is about this song, but I love it to bits. I keep meaning to learn all the words instead of just making noises which I think sound similar and singing the chorus, but then again I like my interpretation ^.^

2. Your least favourite song
No clue. Maybe one day I'll have a blood-boiling one.

3. A song that makes you happy

It makes me think of Sangam, possibly because I showed it to him. Or he showed it to me... It was so long ago now :P The words are so pretty and anything that reminds me of Sangam makes me happy ^_^

4. A Song that makes you sad

So haunting.

5. A song that reminds you of someone

First thing that came into my head. Whenever I hear this song I think of Jamie xD It came out around the time we were going out and as they played it everywhere, wherever we went it was there. Unfortunate that he comes into my head when I heard this song to be honest.

6. A song that reminds you of somewhere

This reminds me of my holiday in Wales many years ago when we were driving to Fishguard on Sunday looking for somewhere to eat... It must've come on the radio or something. I can still see us sitting in the old car just driving, driving, driving.

7. A song that reminds you of a certain event

Michelle's 18th. Enough said.

8. A Song that you know all the words to
(This one I found quite hard... I know lots of words to lots of songs...)

9. A song that you can dance to

No explanation needed.

10. A song that makes you fall asleep

Sleepy now xD

11. A Song from your favourite band

NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNNOM!

12. A song from a band you hate

Hard choice between these dicks and youmeatsix. I swear to God music has made a nose dive since these plebs have 'graced' our airwaves and tv screens with their same-sounding crap.

13. A Song which is a guilty pleasure

I don't really have guilty pleasures to be honest. I just don't know if Britney Spears will make an appearance and she's needed. Don't be ashamed of what you listen to. If you like stuff, you like stuff.

14. A song that no one would expect you to love

POWWWW! POWWWW!!! ;'] Ahahahahahahaaa

15. A Song that describes you

Down to a t.

16. A song that you used to love but now hate

I used to love Abba as a kid... but now anything Abba makes me want to hang myself. It's overplayed.

17. A Song that you hear often on the radio

It's good though because I LOVE THIS SONG. It almost was my dancing song.

18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio

I hate living in a country where music played on the radio is mostly British or American... you get the occasional European or something. KPop is cool. Deal with.

19. A song from your favourite album

The Poison is like the fucking best fucking album of all fucking time. Fucking fucking.

20. A Song you listen to when angry

Almost put this as the song that makes me happy - because it cheers me up when I'm sad or angry... BUT MAN. THIS SONG IS THE BEST ANGRY SONG EVER. OR I HATE EVERYONE. ooh... I want to change my mind now... No I'll stick with this.

21. A song you listen to when you're happy

YESYESYES.

22. A song you listen to when sad

Pretty self explanatory.

23. A song that you want played at your wedding

I love that this is the acoustic version. I think the actual version at a wedding would be too much. I think it'd kill me if whoever I was marrying didn't like this version of this song. I understand not liking the actual version... Not everyone's cup of tea. My cup of tea... but not everyone else's.

24.A song you want played at your funeral

I'm going to be cremated. So it's the rocky sort of sound which people associate with me, and it's called burn baby burn. Burn me to that and I'll be a happy pile of ashes! Plus 'oh something inside has died' makes me chuckle.

25. A song that makes you laugh

BAHAHAHAHA ;'] Lonely Island are legends. I'd marry Shy Ronnie.

26. A song you can play on an instrument

I played Clarinet for 5/6 years, so I can play quite a lot. This is my favourite thing to play though. Gershwin is epic.

27. A song that you wish you could play

I LOVE THIS SONG. I want to play the flute. And the boingy bit. And the drums. And I want to know all the words... 'san nani timilai hidkaule laurile' or something... ^_^

28. A song that makes you feel guilty.
Guilt is a very selfish emotion. I don't feel guilty when I listen to music.

29. A song from your childhood.

I was a 90s kid. I had an amazing selection to pick out of. I almost chose Spice Girls, but theyg et enough recognition. B*WITCHED!

30. Your favourite song this time last year

I can't remember what it actually was... so I googled the top 40 for Feb 2011 and this was on it and out of the list it was probably my favourite... ^_^

Well that was fun. I should probably have done my English Literature Coursework instead. :D

Peace xo

I'm getting my ____ Pierced... Will it hurt?

2012-02-14T11:01:00.012Z

Hey there! I didn't sleep too well last night (not sure why) and this when I decided to do a piercing guide. I haven't had millions of piercings - I won't leak if you fill me up with water, but I have had quite a few and know of others who have had others done...

I will start off with the ear and very cleverly drawn diagrams by me, just of that particular piercing. I know I sometimes got confused by diagrams which were incorrect or had too many piercings labelled on. A heads up, follow your piercers aftercare guide, and ALWAYS go somewhere clean and that you like and trust.

All pain depends on your threshold, but I'll help you out where I've had experience.

I've always gone to the same shop where I have had to have my mum with me because of my age (where I live was weird laws). I know there are other places in the area which they don't ask your age even though they should do and I don't feel I could trust a place like that.

I will start with ear piercings... That seems a good place to start. I apologise for my crude diagrams but I hope they give a better view :)

This is possibly the most common ear piercing on the planet. I don't know numbers for sure which is why I can't say definitely. DO NOT GET LOBES DONE WITH A GUN. Guns cannot be sterilised in the same way as needles can and apparently gun made piercings don't heal in the same way. I had my lobes pierced with a gun when I was 10, but no one knew any better back then really.
Healing Time: 6-8 weeks.

The helix is another very common piercing, at least in England anyway. I haven't had this done myself (not quirky enough) but my friend had two done in one day and he said that they didn't hurt too much. The pain is bearable.
Healing time: 6 months - 2 years (I'd say nearer a year for total healing for most people).

The snug is one of my most favourite ear piercings and I have had it done myself. This one is a bit of a bitch to look after and heal, especially if you sleep on your side, as it gets crushed. They are temperamental and it was probably a year and a half after I first got it done that it stopped getting angry at me and having tantrums. I read this before I got my snug done and whilst healing as a guide. It is 'DIARY OF A SNUG' and definitely something you should read before getting it pierced. She had exactly the same problems as I did, except I didn't have any swelling at all. As for the pain, it is the most painful cartilage piercing I have had as what it goes through is so thick, but I didn't cry and didn't regret it. This doesn't affect using headphones, by the way.
Healing time: If I'm being honest, I'd suggest you add 6 months on to whatever your piercer says. Total heal is supposed to be around a year, but as I said mine kept acting up for a year and a half.

This is my snug, possibly the same day I got it done... maybe... can't quite remember as it was at least 2 years ago now... xD It is so cute and I always get asked about it.

The rook is another piercing I have had done. The pain is not too much at all and it's super cute. Not everyone can have their rook done - mine ended up having to be done a little bit more tucked in than I would have liked as I didn't have enough of a lip. This was the easiest to heal out of all my cartilage piercings as it didn't get knocked or bumped or slept on. I cleaned it as per instructed and it healed and it's great.
Healing time: 6 months - 1 year. (For all cartilage piercings just presume this. It's normally about a year for total heal. Always ask your piercer though.)

My rook. It looks adorable just sitting there happily ^_^

The tragus. My first ever big girl piercing. Some people say you hear a pop... I don't quote know what they heard to be honest. These are definitely growing in popularity as since I got mine done three years ago, every other person walking down the road seems to have got it done. They're quirky and discrete and the pain is not great. Again, it depends on your pain threshold, but for me it was hardly anything. You can also get surface traguses (what on earth is the plural? Tragi?) which goes just before the sticky out tragus part of your ear in a vertical direction.

See my tragus. Nom! I think I have some weird attachment to all my piercings to be honest.
Healing time: 6 months - 1 year.

The industrial is definitely a piercing which I only really see more hardcore people having. It's personally not a favourite of mine, but it's whatever floats your boat. People will either love or hate your piercings, but as long as you love them, who cares? I have heard that this is not too painful, so don't be scared. You have all sorts of twists on piercings, and you can even get this going from the top of your ear to the bottom (vertical industrial).
Healing time: Around a year.

The daith piercing is the reason why I have made this guide. When I went to get my rook pierced, I almost said daith. This would have ended up in a piercing that I didn't want and would have been awkward. I don't know anyone who has had this done or much about it to be honest, so if you're looking at getting this done look for something to read like this or just keep on googling.
Healing time: 6 months - 1 year

Conch piercings. I have always wondered if they got in the way of headphones, but they don't. Not according to my friend. I have heard that this is the most painful cartilage piercing, but think of it this way. If something hurt ridiculous amounts, only mad people would have it done and therefore it would not be all over the internet to such an extent.
I can't find a diary for this one, but general yahoo answers will probably provide enough info on pain.
Healing: 6 months - 1 year

At last I have come to the last ear piercing which I think you'll need to know about. There are many quirky piercings out there (I only just discovered you could get an industrial from your tragus to your conch... no idea why you would do that...). If you are lucky enough to be able to get this pierced, it will probably be micro-jewellery, as it is TINY. This is probably the last piercing I will get in my ear but I probably won't get it done until next year. This is supposed to be quite painful as well. Here is an anti-tragus diary which makes it sound like hell on earth when it comes to healing. Then again, you normally get some hell on earth accounts of healing, but the worst I've had is the snug...
Healing time: 6 months - 1 year.

Then you get on to the wonderful world of surface piercings. You can get them in your face, which normally take around 1-2 months (2-3 months for eyebrow). Facial piercings heal fast but remember before you get them that you do tend to get judged most from them. Think about future marks left behind if you retire them, where you're planning to work in the future and any general stigmas around them.

Navel piercings take 6 months - 1 year to heal.
They are quite common as well, hence why I got my anti-navel/inverse navel whatever you wish to call it. I might get the top done eventually but you know, life goes on. I know this photo was taken after getting it pierced as I had it done yesterday. It doesn't hurt to sit or to stretch or to do anything really. I haven't tried sit ups but I thought I'd give it a break.

You can also get microdermals done instead of a surface piercing. So instead of getting a bar under your skin on your hip, you could get hip microdermals where there is less chance of rejection and migration and therefore less chance of scarring.

Guys, whatever you choose to do, think about it and research it. It's a lot of dedication.
Have fun with your piercing and I hope this helped.

Any inaccuracies (I am not a pro piercer or anything...) then just comment and say and I'll fix it.

Peace xxxx

You just don't understand..

2012-02-13T21:55:00.001Z

How fed up I am.

Oh yes it's 'Jess got a new piecing' time ^_^

2012-02-13T19:33:00.004Z

Got my anti-navel done, at last! Been meaning to get it done for at least 6 months now! I might get the upper bit done as well in the future. It only looks slightly wonky as I was standing at an angle xD So happy with it! Just got to keep cleaning it and wait for it to heal ^_^

Good times.

Peace out! <3

I can' figure you out, you've got more fight in you than anybody else...

2012-02-11T13:46:00.008Z

Before I start...

And no, he doesn't say 'we were farting along'. Ahahahaha ;'] We were farting along ;'] Dear oh dear :P

Anyway, beautiful song and although I don't normally like this weird... poppy-rocky-thing, we are the in crowd hit a nerve. Let me put it this way, I am pretty sure that I dislike the majority of music that most of their fans listen to. ^_^

RIP Rishi's Aunt, my thoughts are with you and your family right now. Rishi, stay strong and remember that you can talk to me any time. You're one of my besties and I love you so much!

Although what I just said was an important thing to say, I did have other reasons for starting this blog entry which I have currently forgotten... They will come back. So... RANDOM RAMBLE!

Not being funny. I used to be a huge Enter Shikari fan, but what is up with their new stuff? So much electronic in it! What happened to the old Shikari? This is the stuff that the wannabe kids at school listen to! BRING BACK OLD ENTER SHIKARI! I am disappointed with music at the moment. I am so disappointed that I have had to start listening to mainstream just because it's so rubbish it's inoffensive.

Whilst I'm on the subject of music... what the fuck is up with Nicki Minaj's 'Stupid Hoes' video?! And how could she rip on Jennifer Aniston like that? I don't know Jennifer personally, but she has never come across to me like a horrible person so why does Nicki think she has a place to say that?!

"I'm Angelina, you Jennifer, c'mon bitch you see where Brad at?"

I know 'rappers' like to insult other people in their songs, like Pitbull with that 'locked up like Lindsay Lohan' line, but at least that is rather classy and clever, other than just bitchy.

Music used to have meaning. I think that ebst album that has come out recently has to have been Stone Sour's and that was released what.... almost 2 years ago now? This world is turning to crap music-wise. Either that or I'm not hanging out with the right people any more. GIVE ME GOOD MUSIC!!

Two 18ths this half term. Could have been three but I don't see the point in turning up to an 18th where I don't really like one of the people and the other I rarely talk to. I think 18ths should be quite personal things with people you talk to and like, not just something you do to try and make yourself feel popular or to fill a venue.

Tonight should be really good and I hope Mike has a very happy 18th, and Friday should also be good and ditto to Rosalind ^_^

I only wish Rishi was going tonight so I could give him a hug! And his mum! I want to give them all hugs!!

Anyway, I should stop before I get all emotional. I don't think I ever remembered the actual point to this entry... Nope. Looking back nothing jumps out at me as 'YES THAT WAS IT!' but the world keeps on turning, regardless of that. It keeps on turning regardless of this entry being published...

THE WORLD KEEPS ON TURNING.

Peace out.

Sometimes

2012-02-07T19:49:00.003Z

I get so scared you won't or don't love me any more, that I begin to freak out... but I know this will push you away more than anything.

Sometimes I think that things have been going so well, in general, for so long now, that something big is going to happen to bring everything crashing down and that scares me.

Sometimes I wish that I could turn back time and do everything different. Who said science was right for me when I always did well at everything?

Sometimes I wish that I could travel the world with just you at my side. With you there, I'm okay. I'm safe and I'm loved.

Just sometimes.

Exams are over until June... reason to celebrate? Hell yes!

2012-01-29T13:23:00.005Z

It's so weird writing here when I have not done a proper blog in what feels like a short eternity. Fingers crossed that I have done well in my exams since I have been revising since well before christmas. I think they took every ounce of me mental strength though...

I have had one interview for university, a second organised and waiting to hear from three places. Although in fairness, one of the places I've had to reject both interview dates so I am waiting to see if they make another date available, so really I'm just waiting for two universities. Hey, hopefully you'll see me in a local radiography department near you some time in the future... then again actually, if you're there you might be sick... let's hope we meet somewhere else.

Wow. Evanescence's new music video has just come onto Kerrang and I must say, that although I felt rather let down with their second album and have not had time to listen to their new stuff, I am feeling impressed. Maybe it's time to revive 'emo Jess'. Amy Lee is beautiful and her voice gives me the biggest spine shivers out of anyone, even more than Matt Tuck.

Sangam and I finally celebrated our two years (I know! TWO YEARS?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!) and we walked around London as we normally do. We saw St Paul's cathedral and climbed the 311 steps up monument to get the fantastic panoramic view of dreams. Monument is one of the cheapest and probably best tourist attractions in London, as long as you have the ability to climb so many stairs. As someone who lives in London and does not believe they should have to pay £14.50 to enter a place considered to be 'God's home', Monument definitely tops the list. There is no way you can beat the views from up there. Even the shard is looking impressive!

Whilst at St Paul's we stood and listened to the 'Occupy London' people talking about what they believe in. It annoyed me that the equipment they were using was worth vast amounts of money, one man had an electronic notebook and another claimed that he was 'too old' to sleep on site. Surely if they were trying to make a point they would be boycotting anything which caused or showed economic equality and funded it. As for the man that was too old, if you truly believe in something, regardless of your age you would do whatever you could to support it.

As someone who agrees with protesting and standing up for what you believe in, I do believe that these people do need to go home. They're not attracting much attention from the media any more and from the number of people who were camping there drinking out of beer cans and smoking whatever they were smoking is really just giving the whole thing a really negative name.

So many 18ths lined up for February and even my own in March. I am so excited you would not believe it! After working so hard for so long I am really looking forward to letting my hair down. Of course only up until about April where then things will get a bit boring and revision-y again.

I do have photos... well not really to be honest because they have not been sent to me, so I'm going to throw some random photos in to break this huge chunk of text up... ahahhaaa ;']

Ma timilai maya garchu, timi mero maya ho.

2011-12-13T20:17:00.002Z

I keep saying I'll do a big blog and update but when I think about it, not much is going on in my life right now. I'm so focused on studying that it is pretty much my life, along with the odd night or day out. Now for a quick note made in really, really bad Nepali. I am so sorry if you speak the language xD Who it is intended for will understand though, because he always does.

Mero mitho hanso,

Dhanyabad. Just dhanyabad. Timi ma kushi banaunu ^_^
maro hridaya lay prem ko bhasha boldai cha (Joking. Some funny thing I found online that made me cringe :P ) Mero zindage naramro ho kahile timi nayata ho, kina bhane timi le mero sabai din ujyalo pardin chau. Yo naramro ho ahahaa :P I'm going to give up now because I'm running out of words :P

Tara, mero mitho hanso, ma timilai maya garchu. Saddhai. Kinabhane ma bhane, huncha? ^_^

Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up...

2011-11-28T20:49:00.004Z

I've not written in so long because I've been revising for my A-level exams in January. I know, I know. A different Jess. I've decided that I'd quite like to do well and so I'm sacrificing my already near to non-existent blogging life. It's okay though guys, a lot of stuff has gone on and I promise a longer blog at some point. Maybe after Christmas...

For now I thought I'd answer some questions:

1. Would you take your ex back?

No, not even if you paid me a hell of a lot of money to. I genuinely cannot think of a single good thing about that relationship other than probably an alright rebound xD

2. Relationship status?

Very happily taken by the beloved Brown Chink. 2 years in Jan!

3. Have you ever lost a close friend?

Lost as in died... no. Lost as in they did something stupid/I did something stupid... probably. Either which way if they were that important then I'd have sorted it and I haven't. So... No.

4. When was the last time you really laughed?

Saturday was pretty banging! Seriously, I haven't laughed that much in ages. Pedro and Alais just make me cry with laughter! The Wong Kei will never be the same.

5. Something is wrong. First person you turn to:

Either Sangam or my mum. My mum is always good for stuff... so is Sangam. I'd probably go to Sangam first because I don't like worrying my mum and Sangam just sits there and nods. Free therapist!!

6. Is there anyone who doesn't like you because of something you did?

If I had a penny for every person who hated me for something I said or did then I would be incredibly rich. Opinions are something to voice and appreciate and think about. Get over it! And a lot of people hate the things I do. Again it's fine by me xD insert generic fuck haters comment here.

7. Is there anyone you will do anything for?

Well my brother for starters because he is bloody epic! I miss him like mad now he is as THE Harrow Boys school because he is a genius. Also, my cousin Heather because she and I are very, very close. I'd say Devon too but I'm pretty sure that two-year-old can handle her own shit because she's ballsy. My mum definitely too... If someone would do anything for you then you should do the same for them! Plus I love her craziness. And of course, Sangam. I'd walk through a monsoon in Kathmandu, knee-deep in yak poo.

8. How many people can you tell just about everything?

Very few when it comes down to it, unless I'm under the influence. You want loose lips, give me a couple vodka and cokes. (Or the version Alais and I made up, Vodka and a drop of coke.) Sangam is the only person that I can tell absolutley anything to. It doesn't matter how close you are with some people (like family), there's just some things that they never need to know.

9. Have you ever wished upon a shooting star?

Yes! I used to stargaze a lot when I was about 13/14 and I have wished upon many. Cannot remember what I wished or if it came true... but I have done it ^_^

10. Does the person you last held hands with mean something to you?

Mero entire Sansar <3

11. Describe yourself in one word?

Pyari! Joking ^_^ erm... I have a problem with limited words.

12. Do you have anything that belongs to your ex?

His dignity.

13. Ever cheated on someone?

No :)
14. Full name?

Jessica Helen Surname. (I don't want to be harassed on facebook with my amazing popularity :P)

15. Favourite song?

hmm... It changes a lot. I probably have one but I can't think of it right now :P

16. Favourite colour?

GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN

17. Best friend?

Smirnsy :)

18. Last kiss?

Friday evening :)

19. Last hug?

Probably... Saturday with Pedro :)

20. Last person I have seen?

My mum :)

21. Addiction?

Studying. Only joking. Obviously crystal meth (what problems cannot be solved with crystal meth?), Jack Daniels and happy slapping Grandma's. Joking again :) I don't really get addicted although chilis are still way up there on the list...

22. Height?

5' 7"? Just under?

23. Shoe size?

7 :( Well, six and a half :D

24. Who has my heart?

Well, not trying to be cheesy but Sangam. You see, before he eventually asked me out, I told him that my heart needed to be fixed so he gave me his until he could fix mine and then he fixed it but I quite like Sangam's heart because it has a 'Made in Nepal' label sewn into it and it smells of momo. Mmmm... momo <3

Anyway, back to revision. Go Jess!

Love xo

GHURKAS DESERVE JUSTICE AND EQUALITY

2011-10-29T16:33:00.003+01:00

This is my number one thing of today before I get down to business. If you live in the UK, you really should sign this epetition. Ghurkas fight for our country and still seem to get less than other nationalities. The Nepali people are the loveliest race I have ever met and I live in a hugely multicultural area. (Well, it is London.)

So if you live in the UK, sign: Ghurkas Deserve Justice and Equality petition, and sign it now.

The thing that got to me most is that Ghurkali widows do not get the same help as British army and commonwealth widows. As someone whose mum is a widow I know how hard it is and it disgusts me that these women have basically sacrificed their husbands and are not getting the same respect as other women.

Anyway, back to business. No photos because I am not on my laptop and it's effort right now. I've got some excruciating amount of homework to do which I still haven't looked at properly, but here I am typing away as I feel bad for not updating my non-existent readers on my life. It's good right now. Very good ^_^

UCAS is off, it's party time, I'm slaving like no ones business over my school work (apart from this half term...) and I'm still in love. It is all peachy in the fruit bowl.

Much love!

I Hate It When...

2011-09-01T23:01:00.001+01:00

You don't ask me why I'm sad.

"What's the slim probability of us meeting eachother?" "Like the probability of seeing a star during a typhoon."

2011-08-30T12:31:00.005+01:00

"♂: what's the slim probability of us meeting each other?

♀: like the probability of seeing a star during a typhoon...

♂: I make my mind~

♂: I will cry for you; laugh for you; and live for you.

♂: You are the center of my universe...."

If you've never seen the movie 'My Girl and I' (which apparently is a Korean version of a Japanese movie) then I suggest you see it. This is definitely my favourite all time Korean movie and I loved it so much that I actually bought it. A genuine version, not a pirate.

I was watching it for the millionth time this morning and it made me think about how short life could actually be. We don't know how long we're going to actually live. Everyone has had this thought at some time in their life, I know it. And I have had it before, but this time it really hit me.

Maybe it's because of Sangam. Who knows? I just feel like I don't show people that I appreciate them enough. I mean, if I were to die, would everyone know just how much I loved them? Would I be satisfied with my life if I died now? I probably would. For a seventeen year old I have done an awful lot. I've seen many things, experienced many things, been many places. I've fallen in love, seen a lot of the countries I've wanted to see, made friends, made enemies, had fun and done things that I've enjoyed, so dying now probably wouldn't be so bad.

And on the other hand... I know from experience that dying first is easy. My dad died, leaving my mum and it was easy for him because he's dead. I kind of believe that once you're dead, you're dead. He didn't have to go through any of the pain my mum went through, which made me think - would I want to be selfish and die first so I wouldn't feel any of the pain and grief, or would I be selfless and want to die last so I could take all the pain and grief for the other person. It's probably a good thing that fate decides, because I change my mind as much as the weather here in England changes.

Life is precious and life is short. Why should I not do what I want to do, when I want to do it? All I really worry about is people not knowing that I love them - especially Sangam.

Enough of being morbid. I spent the last week of my life in Bournemouth, doing work experience in a private Dentists - Tuckton Dental Practice. The staff there are the loveliest people, very friendly and helpful. I got hands on experience and learnt an awful lot. It's taken me years to find a practice that would let me get experience so I am grateful to every one of them, and wish them all the best with whatever they do.

Me in my scrubs, blatantly looking peng... Ignore that my hair looks ginger. Its all the dye and my roots are awful. Ignore that too. :P

My beautiful cousin, Heather, and I. She, Louise, Devon and Steven were down whilst I was down and I really enjoyed my time with them. Heather's recently been diagnosed with a type of epilepsy that she should (there hasn't been a case where it hasn't happened) grow out of and she's handling it like a star. She's so gorgeous!!! Ignore my face. xD

The picture Heather drew of us. It's so cute! She also wrote me a little note when Grandma forgot to tell her she was picking me up from work saying "I'm sorry I didn't pick you up, I wanted to but Grandma didn't tell me."

My Grandma (mums side) and Devon on the beach. Devon's a bit of a nutter with a dramatic streak in her but I'm sure she'll grow out of it.

Me with my Grandparents (dads side). Grandad was recently diagnosed with larynx cancer as well as Alzheimer's, which is unfortunate. Grandma has been taking care of him for the past year as he had shingles, which the doctor believed triggered both other illnesses, although Grandma has suspected Alzheimer's for a few years now. It took the NHS a couple of years to officially diagnose it. I hope they stay healthy!!

I think I look a lot like my grandma! And looking at her I can see my dad!

Anyway, I better log off now. I'm supposed to be meeting up with Amy soon and I should really get ready. Plus, I fancy a bit more pondering life and the meanings of.

A post as deep as the world is wide...

2011-08-14T12:38:00.006+01:00

I've just realised that I'm never going to be amazing at anything in life...
Hear me out before you all start going "You will!"

There's that saying "Jack of all trades, master of none" and I have just realised that it's true. I do alright at everything I take on, but there's nothing I am amazing at. Most people tend to be great at something, like Alais is badass at Geography, and they enjoy doing it, but not me. I love chemistry but I'm only okay at it. I try my best but I only seem to be getting 'average' right now. Maybe I've chosen the wrong path and I'm more of an arts student than a sciences student...

Don't turn around and go "Yes, but you got 9 A's and 2 B's at GCSE" because GCSE's don't count. It just shows that I'm equally good at everything. Plus I found GCSE's quite easy. It's now that counts. And if I'm only going to be average at everything, then what's the point?

AVERAGE-NESS SUCKS.

At least I've got this guy!
And my uber cool friends and family!

But it is the money in the future I worry about.

And it makes me angry that the majority of people in the UK are not understood by the government. I do not believe that people who went to private schools, did not live the life or have the hardships of normal people can honestly decide what is right. Although the riots were inexcusable, and in some cases they were just an excuse to be idiots and steal, I can see a real anger underneath it all at a government who just does not understand.

I should become a politician... Actually, I'd be bad at it. I'd just start fights and get kicked out of commons a lot...

Fucking politicians. It's funny that society would not function without such backstabbing, power-hungry liars. If only communism worked.

Peace! xo

P.S. Charlie Simpson's new album is amazing. Thanks HMV for getting to me before the release date. And here's a video which you can laugh at/enjoy. It makes me crack up every time I hear it :D

You know an album's gonna be good when... (Charlie Simpson Young Pilgrim)

2011-08-08T10:44:00.007+01:00

Just hearing the 4 tracks he's put up on Youtube makes you nostalgic. I cannot wait for the album to be released! Every song gives me shivers and makes my heart ache in the embarrassing teenager way. The words remind you of new love, old love and future love. I know that this probably sounds like a pile of made up crap, but honestly, it does. And as a bonus, Charlie is a TINY bit fit ;)

It's funny how we've grown with Charlie. I was a kid when he was in Busted, then a teenager through Fightstar and his solo career. It's kind of like *warning, Harry Potter comparison coming up* I grew up with Harry Potter. The books were released when I was a baby, so I've grown up with those and the movies, and that's now come to an end. But Charlie hasn't. Charlie is still going on. It's weird how 'Sundown' reminded me of Ron and Hermione.

Sorry, I watched the final movie last night. I almost cried a couple of times, but nothing major. It was just sad that it's now all ended. When the credits rolled I thought "that's it..." like a big softy. The saddest bit for me was when Fred died. That was the bit which almost made me cry most. I've always loved Fred and George. They're bangtidy. As is Ron ;) Yeah, I'd so be a Weasley.

I cannot remember if I actually did put a rook picture up... but here it is anyway ^_^

Very purty :D

Love, Jess xo

North Devon Quads is the ultimate!

2011-08-05T20:59:00.008+01:00

So, you're in North Devon, somewhere near Bideford and Barnstaple. If you're me, you're staying in a delightful holiday rent called Balscotte Annexe in Newton Tracy. You've had a hard week. You climbed Haytor in a dress and with bare feet, flashing everyone below because you're such a charming lady. You've walked part of the tarka trail, visited Westward Ho!, celebrated your brothers birthday and chased pheasants down the road. You have a few hours left in this ideallic location, and here is exactly what you should do with them.

This morning I had the best time ever, here. This is a huge plug. I want this place to do well. It's well priced, and its huge amounts of fun. Zorbing, quad biking, archery, rifle shooting and paintballing all in one field. If you ever are in North Devon and you fancy doing something epic, then here it is! Tom and I went on the quad bikes, shot some arrows and some bullets ^_^ It made me very happy indeed :D

I climbed this (Haytor, Dartmoor) in my bare feet, and a dress, just because I am that damn cool. I know, I know. Skills that kills and all that jazz. Control your amazement!
Me halfway up :)
My photo from the middle

My epic cool brother and I at the top

We did so much this week in Devon but I'm glad to be back home for some sleep. We even visited the Gnome Reserve, which was full of creepy stuff like this:
Mmm. Just what you want to look at in the morning... yummy!

We also visited the tiny village of Clovelly, which has an INCREDIBLY steep hill. Ridiculously steep. My legs were spasming whenever I stood still after that :(
And there's Tom and I under the cave bit next to the waterfall at Clovelly. There was this guy there, proper fisherman man! He was all dark and Devonshire, with big welly boots on. So cool.

Now here's the photos of North Devon Quads. I know you've been waiting for them... ;)

So peace out guys!

It's weird what you suddenly think...

2011-07-14T12:05:00.006+01:00

Chest to chest
Nose to nose
Palm to palm
We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist
Toe to toe
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So how come when I reach out my finger
It feels like more than distance between us

Not normally a fan of Rihanna, but there you go. I didn't even realise it was her! Such a good song :) Anyway, I was just reading something online, and it made me realise something.

He's funny, annoying, beautiful, he pisses me off, makes me want to cry, makes my day, makes me smile, drives me crazy, he's menal, but he's everything I want.

Still no rook photo but that's because my phone cable's upstairs and I'm going out now.

Ciao xo

And another quick post...

2011-07-11T18:17:00.001+01:00

If you want to see your damn friends, just go and see them. I've never stopped you, and I don't get why you pretty much stopped talking to them. It now makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because you've started speaking to them again - like you're bored with me.

I don't get it.
I don't get you.

Again no rook piercing picture. I suck, I know.

2011-07-10T23:12:00.004+01:00

I swear my family don't actually like talking to me. It sure feels like it. It also feels like certain people are hiding things from me again, and I don't like it and I don't know why.

Just a short one again. And a quick blag.
Anyone who lives in Harrow and has kids should check this out:

6th Roxeth Scout Group

Just because I said, and because we're the best.

Ciao xo

You know we just, click like that, like that :)

2011-07-06T18:27:00.006+01:00

I know I know I KNOW that I said that I'd get my pictures up soon and properly update bla bla bla but I can't be bothered to get a picture of my rook. I promise, as soon as my course is over this week I'll have time to go onto my laptop and upload everything.

I'm well excited though. Saints and sinners party this Saturday at a mates house, and I'm going as the slutty office worker, because I'm cool like that :D

Anyway, the real reason I came on here was to support a very good YouTube channel, of amazing Nepali rap. Yes, I did just put amazing and Nepali rap together. I never thought I'd do it either after the crap I've come across, but hey. Miracles do happen.

Nephop UK Are badassssss! Seriously. Dami! Well done guys!
I'm not a fan of Airplanes - it's bloody annoying, but this cover is DAMI DAMI DAMI!! Dherai ramro!! The mix of English and Nepali is amazing.

And 'click like that' made me laugh, it says something about a girl having a big bum :) Even I got that ani mero Nepali dherai naramro ho! (and my Nepali is very bad).

This is my looking very grumpy on Cowboys and Indians district camp, which was fabulous! And also me raft building, looking incredibly beautiful in my helmet. Bet you all wish you could look that hot. AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Guys, if you have kids aged from 6 to 18, there is something to do within scouts. As someone who's been a member since the youngest age, I can tell you it make you an awesome person. You meet amazing people, you do things which others rarely get to do and you learn a lot of skills. My personal statement for university looks absolutely amazing because I've been scouting since I was small, and especially since I am a young leader.

So, this is my plug for you guys, SEND YOUR KIDS TO SCOUTS!
And if you're in Harrow, then 6th Roxeth in South Harrow at St Paul's Church is the best!
No, it's not really a religion based thing anymore. Our cub group once a month goes to church on a Sunday before going on a trip, but that is to support the people who give us our hut.

Anyway, off to Explorers now. Byeee!!

Mero yo Maan ma timi, mero yo Akhama timi, timi nai timi nai timi nai timi

Just a quick one

2011-07-03T20:31:00.001+01:00

Rook done - photo one day some time soon.
Got back from camping at Tolmers with the district and had a fantastic time! :D

You're always busy now... when can I have you back?

Much love

Summertime, and the living is easy

2011-06-18T10:56:00.003+01:00

Relatively easy. Finished my exams, at last... well I finished them a few weeks ago now I've just been lazy :D I honestly have no idea how things went, at all. Fingers crossed for the best.

I have found possibly the worlds best university course though... RADIOGRAPHY! Exciting times!

I saw this last night :D Strictly Gershwin at the Royal Albert Hall. I was possibly one of the only people there under the age of 80, which shows that I must be a little bit mental. I went because I love Gershwin, and I used to do ballet... and since the National Ballet were there, I thought "Why not? Might love it!" And I did. And so did my mum. So if you're in London ad fancy something a bit different, then here you go. Strictly Gershwin. The badass Gershwin-ballet fusion thing :D

Now for a sad note :( I miss times like this ^
Maybe people just are not meant to like me. I'm happy with my close friends but I remember those times where I was invited out everywhere by everyone. A-levels have made me lose myself, and I hate it. It makes me feel like crap when everyone else is invited out somewhere apart from me... It's like people have always expected me to make the effort to stay friends with people, and blame me when we're not that close anymore, when they're just as bad. People bloody suck. If it wasn't for people like Sangam, Alais, Devika, Mahek, Rishi and Apurva, I think I would just always be alone. I wouldn't know who to talk to at break.

But maybe that's because of the amount of shit everyone else talks about. I can't wait for the real world to come, where they can't talk about 'furt' and being 'ragdolled'. The other groups are pretty realistic... I mean, people are two-faced in the real world.

Why does the world have to be like this?

I'm getting my rook pierced on Tuesday :D

Cannot wait :D I've wanted it for so long! I'll try and get pictures up ASAP, but you know what I'm like. I can't believe I still write in this like people actually read it. It's funny.

Ciao Bella xox

I got the rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on

2011-05-30T10:37:00.006+01:00

Why howdy! 3 out of 4 exams gone, half term finally here, Aunt's wedding over and done with (was spiffing. I'm sure there'll be many drunk photos of me when they get uploaded... odear) and Snoop Dogg blasting out of my speakers. Who can beat a bit of Snoop Dogg at 10.30 on a Monday morning?

Answer... No one!

Alas, I have had no time to upload photos lately as I've been revising, and my laptop is still driving me mad... so I just haven't turned it on...

This wonderful painting above is the amazing Amy's GCSE Art Coursework :D She might kill me for putting it here... But oh well. It is beautiful! The words around the outside tie in perfectly with the image, the tress are bangtidy and as for Sangam and I... well, I think we look pretty damn good! Roll on that A! A for Amy :') Sorry.. That was awful...

We had comic relief some time last year, and I don't think I ever posted about it. It just came to my mind now. I with Mahek and Alais dressed up as the Powerpuff girls, just 'cause we're cool. Most people in psychology did too :D We had the pink ladies, Sisqo, Sponge Bob... red people... It was funny :)

Don't we look cool? And the same! Well... Mahek's brown and our eye colours aren't the same... but yaknow. We had to make sure people knew we weren't the actual powerpuff girls. I didn't fancy saving any cats from trees, and Mojojojo actually used to scare me quite a bit...

And then for an image that no one believed they would ever see. Blossom and Padme getting it on! It's okay starwars/powerpuff girls fans... There will be no wedding here. We broke up a few seconds after this as Padme wouldn't let me play with her gun! Mean, mean Padme!

Anyway, I'm gonna run. I need to pop to South Harrow to buy some onions and stuff. As Sangam says, I am a 'white Asian girl' :D

And congrats to Louise and Steven for getting married, at last!

Shit hurts but you've got to get used to it, Keep struggling, living and trying again, Show them all you'll explode

2011-04-30T21:24:00.006+01:00

I wish some really nice person would buy this for me from Drop Dead clothing... £30. Large. Thanks :P (No Mero mitho hanso... this is not ahint for you D: I'm joking. You buy this, you're dead. K?)

I absolutely love it! I think the colours are fabulous, and the rest of it is striking :)

Anyhow. The Royal Wedding. Wills and Kate got hitched. I am sure everyone knows, and that everyone has seen it (they played the balcony scene about a million times immediately after it happened :|) but it was lovely to see so many people together to celebrate one thing! You don't really see that around here anymore. Some of my family went up for the day, and my crazy Grandma even stayed overnight sleeping on The Mall, and they said that it was a fantastic experience.

I do understand why some people do not like having the Royal Family, but it's not like they have much power. They're inherited wealth with titles. However, the amount of people my age on Facebook that just didn't seem to care about the wedding worried me. I was only going to watch it as it is something that I think the majority of people should watch, but others seem to shun the Royal family. It is a tradition that we should fight to keep.

This St George's day, it was so hard to find any sort of celebration. Luckily, Pinner had something on, and we saw a Mummers play and Morris Dancers, and it was all cool and lovely. I have never seen a Maypole dance. I know many people who have never seen Morris men either. It is sad that a country is losing its culture, its history, and what it stands for.

This is Morris dancing. And no, their faces are not blacked out because we are racist, it is so they were not recognised by their bosses for some weird reason. I don't quite understand... stuff must have gone down for crazy dancing :P

And here is a mummers play :) Again, I do not understand the story behind it... apparently the one I saw was about rebirth... This might be the same. Not too sure.

Well. That is England in a nutshell :D

I'm off. I've eaten so much junk food this week, and I need to burn it off!
Bye gorgeous!

I Can Be The Treble Baby, You Can Be The Base...

2011-04-24T10:48:00.008+01:00

I am finding Britney Spears' album 'Femme Fatale' a bit too good. It's so good, I wanted to deprive myself of sleep last night to listen to it on replay... It makes me want to dance SOSOSO much... As a kid I liked Britney, and her first album was one of the first albums I ever owned (I think Spice Girls was first 'cause I'm cool like that), but right now... digging on the album... But guys, it's GOOD. Its got shitty words, she's been autotuned to death (sometimes...), but you just want to dance! YAY! Go Britney!

I was watching 'Lambing Live' a few weeks ago, like a good person who's curious about sheep named 'Tinie Tempah' and 'Blowout' (such cool name! If I had a sheep I'd have settled with Sean or Cloud or something crap like that), and came across these demon looking sheep! Unfortunately, I could not get an amazing image of their creepy eyes... This was the best one. They're called Lockhart sheep. Sheep naturally have creepy eyes, but these guys just topped the creepy-eye list. I have this thing about eyes...

A Lockhart Sheep...

Bitch with creepy eyes...

This woman popped up in the first 10 minutes or so of Shutter Island (epic movie. Better than Inception. Kill me if you want), and I was sitting in my seat pretty much crying with fear for the rest of the movie, even though it was not a scary movie in that way. She just did it for me. So creepy! There's another picture that everyone used to have on their Myspace's during the 'emo' days... This is not the exact one. Someone might know what the hell I'm going on about. It was a goth-like girl wearing black with black eyes... Similar to this one, just different :D Yum. I love creepy eyed bitches. Seriously. Why the hell would anyone want a picture that looks like this?! For the Shutter Island woman above, I actually could not look at the screen when I was googling it. It traumatised me! It's weird... I think I'm not as scared of the 'goth' woman here because her eyes look fake. Shutter Island evil Grandma... she looks real...

I think I am doing whatever I possibly can to avoid revising. I spent so much time doing it yesterday, that I don't want to do it again today. I genuinely think I might go mad. So I am glad that Alais and I are going to China Town to Mui and Bay for the best and cheapest Chinese meal ever :D Yes guys. I want everyone to go to Mui and Bay. You turn left out of Leicester Square station, and walk up to the shops under the weird roof kind of thing. It's past the market.

If you're not there, then it's your loss. I'll keep the gyoza to myself! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ooh! My doctor (new guy. Friendly and lovely) told me to listen to Enya before bed to sort my insomnia... so if you have sleeping problems, you heard it helps from a medical professional :D

I also had the oddest dream ever last night. It was so weird. It was a party in a house near where my middle school was, and it was a masked thing, and there was this girl, and her boyfriend wasn't very nice to her, so I was like 'ring me whenever you want to talk', and then we went shopping. I don't think we bought anything... but after that, we went back to the party, where her boyfriend now was, and I asked him where he was from and he said 'Bhutan or Nepal or China... somewhere like that...' but it turned out he was from Vietnam (?!)... Then the girl disappeared, leaving me with her evil boyfriend for ages. It turned out he wasn't so evil. Finally, it was like the world began to end... thinking back it reminds me of Britters video 'Till The World Ends'... and I woke up...

Oh no... hang on... It reminds me of the bit in the Peter Chao video where he's dancing in the sewer... (No, I promise. I'm not going mad. This is a real video. It's green screen. Calm down. Not even Peter Chao would get into a sewer to dance... Although I'd pay him a lot of money if he did...)

Gosh this video makes me laugh! I have no idea why. It does not make anyone else I know laugh, but it makes me cry with joy! Maybe that's proof that I am a TINY bit special... :D
Anyway, I should really go...

Muchos Love,
Jess ♥

I have come to the conclusion that 'R' is just a slutty 'P'...

2011-04-15T10:33:00.005+01:00

Now do not ask me how I came to this conclusion... as it happened a little while ago now, and in my busy life (which is actually boring and revolves around studying right now) I forgot to post the same day on why... I think it had something to do with drawings and legs. Maybe I was feeling a bit mad on that day. Maybe a diagram would help ease the confusion :D
And there we go. That was my theory in a nut shell :D Now I'm just going to take my sanity pills before continuing this...

*Sanity pills munch munch*

Hokay folks! On Tuesday night, I was at the wonderful KOKO club in Camden to see The Blackout. Third time live and just as damn good! If I had actually filmed something, I would put it up, but I didn't. I have recently decided that filming at gigs is a waste of my time. The sounds quality is not that good, and I never watch it. So I'm just going to do a quick YouTube search to show you why you need to see them, and in fact, if you don' see them, I'm not going to talk to you.

Ahh good times indeed :D I came home smelling of other peoples sweat, with my ears ringing a bit too much for comfort, and pain in the feet to rival... someone with painful feet, but it was so good! I need to make a public apology for headbutting Alais in the face in the mosh pit... So yes. Alais... I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your gigantic head got in my way!

What else have I been up to? As I said early, studying. A-Levels are ten million times harder than anyone said they would be, so I've been a good girl and I've knuckled down. I live, eat and breathe chemistry and biology. As for psychology and English Lit... not as much.

However, I do want a moan on the decline of decent rock music as of late. I was on scuzz tv the other day, and it was playing music from a couple of years ago and I was like "Hell yeah! This is great!" Then it started playing new stuff like 'All Time Low'... And this strange pop kind of rock mixed with oddness seems to be all that plays nowadays. I have nothing against people who listen to that stuff, mainly because fans of that stuff tend to be hugely loyal to the bands and I can't be assed to deal with a bunch of hate. It's not my cup of tea. At all. Bring back the good music!

BUTBUTBUTBUTBUT! I DO HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS!!
STONE SOUR HAS RELEASED A NEW ALBUM! (As have The Blackout actually...)
And Stone Sour's album is... wow. I'm the type of person to illegally download an album before deciding whether to actually spend cash on it, or if its crap and I need to delete it. And I had to buy it! It literally took me 3 weeks, combing what felt like every bloody HMV in London, all of which had sold out or didn't actually stock for some MAD reason, but I found it! And it was a moment like this....

By the way, this is not a kid in my family. Oh no. This is a random googled kid with an excited face, very similar to my own. He is adorable, and his parents should be proud! It's an excited face that everyone needs to have! No joke! And below is Stone Sour's 'Say you'll haunt me' from the album 'Audio Secrecy' which you all need to go out and buy. There is not a single track on there which does not give me that child's excited face, almost exactly like that :D

And so I guess I better put The Blackout's song 'Higher and Higher' on here too, so I'm not being disloyal... And buy their album 'Hope'. It's pretty badass!

Well. This was all very long and charming wasn't it? I need to check if i actually wrote about the Bullet For My Valentine Gig... And no I didn't. So this will be brief. I went to see Bullet again for the millionth time at Wembley Arena, and as always, they blew my mind :D They're ones to see live too. They're not just amazing live, but they attract awesome audiences. And I saw Biffy Clyro... I think I've written about that one... Basically, I've been busy, I can't remember what I just ate, my middle name or where I am right now, so good luck trying to get anything else out of me...

I hope all is well, happy Easter, and for any Nepali people out there, namaste and a very happy nepali new year to you :D Year 2068 isn't it now? You time travellers you! :D

Peace ♥

Maybe now would be a good time for ranting, raving and updating.

2011-02-11T21:44:00.006Z

Or maybe not :P I don't know. Would anyone want to hear me go on about how miserable I'm feeling right now?

I said I'd update with rubbish quality videos from a gig I've recently been too... but I'm not too sure if they're on this piece of crap that I am currently calling a laptop :( I seriously need to get rid of vista. Why did I not listen to the many people who told me to get rid of it years ago? Gah!

*searches for random gig clips of Biffy Clyro...*

*Feels really annoyed* <>

Things that have been going on lately... (I think its another ellipses post. I need to go to ellipses anonymous...) I have finished my exams until June, when they'll be starting back up again. I'm pretty sure I did badly... which is a shame to be honest. I enjoy all of my subjects, including psychology even though I think it is all a pile of poo and the people in my class aren't the sharpest of pencils. Chemistry is a love love LOVE. I grow to love it more with each lesson that passes, so I am now officially a nerd :D

Time for me to get the nerd glasses out and dance to the wonderful chemical words of these epically cool guys. I think I'm in love :D

Other things other things... Ooh! Well there was my beautiful one year with the gorgeous Sangam :) It was a lovely day indeed! He bought me more flowers, but this time with a blue rose :D How exciting you say! I say yes! And me being a new nerd, I had to google how they made this rose blue! Its all to do with ink my dears, and the absorption of it through inky water up the xylem (Biology nerd out), through the system of cohesive forces, adhesive forces and some form of tension. Why thank you!

How pretty ^_^ They make me so smiley :D And then we managed to create a £50 Chinese food bill and that was pretty damn good too because the food was yum! No other word for it... just YUM. I'm pretty sure it was the Royal Dragon in Chinatown we went to, but I'm not sure. There are so many restaurants with dragon in them that it gets hard to tell the difference :(

Ooh and I had another lovely drink up which I don't really remember, but I know that somewhere on Facebook there is a very attractive image of me pointing at the camera with a beer in my hand. I look very rough xDLa da da da deeWell I think I'm going to go... Might read some chemistry books :Dpeace ♥

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T20:26:00.004Z

With so much going on right now (studying for exams... then revising what I've studied... then maybe eating something, then back to revising...) I have had absolutely no time for blogging. Which makes this Jess a sad Jess. *Cue violin background music and wailing women dressed from head to toe in black*.

In the past however long it's been since I have last posted, I've been to two gigs, both of which I hope to tell everyone about as soon as I find my phone cable to upload pictures/films. I will tell you now, though, they were both epic gigs :D

Above are two images that I find HILARIOUS :D For a very strange reason I guess... then again I tend to find the strangest things funny... like in the Yellowstone documentary earlier where the bears were fighting and falling down the mountain... Anyway, this is was morphthing thinks that my kids would look like if for some Godforsaken reason (maybe the necessity or repopulating the earth?) Sangam and I had children. No idea why it's funny though...

There was a reason for me posting to this as well... Ellipses obsession much, Jess. Chillax with the three full stops. They need a break *grumble grumble groan*. Oh yes! I remember now!

I was pondering on what my life would be like if I were like everyone else. Very vague, I know. How am I supposed to know what everyone else is like? So I guess I will rephrase my random thinking to this:

"What would my life be like if I were to be 'normal', in the sense that a) I
found Christmas enjoyable,
b) I didn't randomly become incredibly antisocial and lose most of my
friends apart from 2, and
c) I liked board games."

To part a) it is obvious that I would then enjoy Christmas. That one was
tough as. I could actually take pleasure from stuffing myself full of food,
opening presents which religiously don't have much meaning anymore (good thing
I'm not religious I guess), but I would still look at getting drunk. Ah yes.
Alcohol. How to solve a dysfunctional families Christmas :D

Part b) would mean that I was incredibly popular, could actually maintain
friendships, but would probably mean that I spent most of my holiday out
socialising and then fail my exams. I'm actually glad I work like this now.

And part c)... my favourite! I would become Monopoly European Champion, and
then actually May Fair.

Anyway, this again has been a random post of nonsense... I might go and do some more studying. Maybe I'll actually become good at something instead of just being slightly strange xD

Merry Christmas/Seasons Greetings :D

Later Note:

I MUST READ THIS BOOK! :D

Feeling insecure.

2010-11-13T23:13:00.003Z

I know you'll read this, because I just know.

I now feel really insecure. I know it's natural, but there's just so many girls out there with better bodies and faces and all that shit... and I still don't understand why you chose me.

Kthnxbye.

Why are people so narrow minded, ignorant and shallow?

2010-11-11T22:28:00.005Z

When will people realise that there are extremists in every religion, and that the majority of people in a religion are decent people who accept everyone? This whole rift in the world is really getting me down right now. It's a hopeless situation. Until people stop being so narrow minded, then the world will never come anywhere near to peace.

Pretty much every religion teaches peace, so instead of burning poppies and blowing other countries up, or torturing people in war, why don't we just follow our religions properly? Sit down, read your holy book, and please, if you find anything which shows an intolerance of other people that gives cause to abuse and anger and hatred, then tell me. I'm interested to know.

On a nicer note... I joined forces with Sangam for some photos. I chose the spots, he placed the camera in the best light, then I fiddled around with effects and stuff afterwards (: I must say it didn't come out too bad :D Sorry about the resizing - Blogger was being a bitch of a bitch so I had to link upload and then it was huge bla bla bla :P

peace out ♥

I Like Moving Grooving

2010-11-05T18:36:00.003Z

Just a quick post since I've not done one in ages ^_^

I love this song. its so weird ^_^

It has subtitles if you click CC. I promiseeee a decent post some time soon. Even though it's just for myself :D

loveeeee

I Believe That Black History Month Causes More Problems Than Its Supposed To Prevent.

2010-10-01T20:30:00.006+01:00

I understand that it is only very recently that black people began to be treated like the normal human beings they are. I understand that we need to know of events such as these in order to prevent things like this happening again, as well as it being an interesting topic.

However, as someone who has been participating in this in school every year since I can remember, I have come to realise what a divide this month actually causes. Personally, I think that if there's a Black History Month, that there should be a History Month for every other culture as well. Either that, or just no Black History Month.

Many years were spent sitting in assembly being bored to death with the same stories over and over again. Rosa Parks and the bus. Martin Luther King and his 'I have a dream' speech. Yes, these are all very important and key events that have gone on, but all races and cultures and genders have faced similar problems at some point during the history of man. Singling it down to one race is ridiculous.

Also, as a white British girl, I sometimes feel as if people believe that I am racist, for things that people who are now long dead did. I, as are everybody else, am a completely different person to the people back then.

If I am honest, I believe that Black History Month gives people an excuse to hold anger for something that happened in the past. The past is the past. If you hold on to it too tightly, don't let go of your anger about things that happened in it, then will anything ever actually change?

I've heard many black people say that you "can't be racist" to a white person. Racism is racism. If it's about a race and its offensive, then its racist. End of. I hear more racism towards white people now than I hear about any other race. And this sickens me. For people who are so 'angry' about what has happened to them in the past, they sure don't seem to care about what they say about us. The word 'hypocrisy' springs to mind. Then again, humans are the best at being hypocritical.

In order to get rid of racism, we have to let go of the past. A fellow human is a fellow human, regardless of gender, age, skin colour, hair type, whatever. Silly little months like this seem to cause more tension. If we have a month for one, we should have a month for all.

Thank you and good night ^_^

Long time no speak... Chemistry is keeping me busy, ironically. Here's some paint pigs :)

2010-09-30T19:44:00.004+01:00

It's only ironic because of the blog name. No other reason at all (: And then again I don't even know if that makes it ironic... Which I should know since I've taken English Lit... You know what, it's ironic because I say so. I'm proud of my tired brain that such a large (its not large. But it's not basic vocabulary) word came out of my head.

I'm having a curry later :D

LOOK AT THE PAINT PIGS!! How cute!

I want a pet pig. I have done for a long time now. I would like someone to tell me if these photos are animal cruelty? To be honest, as a huge fan of meat, I don't think it is cruelty to animals. It's unnecessary, but so cute! Aww! I'm going to call the one on the left Oinky and the one on the right Oinkington!

Together, we will take over the world!

Well, again I'm going to be off. Work work work for Jess Jess Jess!

*sigh, sob*

love ♥

Cutest baby vids. Awwww!

2010-09-25T00:33:00.002+01:00

I have no idea why, but I've spent the past two hours of my life (yes, I'm bored :P) watching baby videos on YouTube. I have found some incredibly cute stuff, some strange stuff and some bloody freaky stuff that has scarred my mind, and here are the videos that I think are the best (:

Cutiepie kiddy singing Hey Jude. I swear I want a kid like this. So adorable!

Beat boxing 2 year old - I must say, he's better than I am :D And he's uber cool. Lets face it.

"Hi there!" Awww just... precious!

Okay, this one scared me... but someone might think it's cute...

Anyway... over and out for now :D

I promise to do a proper blog when I get some proper time (:

Why are Seether so underrated?

2010-09-21T20:31:00.004+01:00

Seriously. Lyrics with meaning, and something which seems to be rare to come across in the rock world anymore - a decent sound. And this is going to be so brief because A-Level homework is slowly crushing my soul and consuming all of my time :(

And with a sexy mo'fo' like this singing in his amazing voice, what could you not like about them?
Rise Above This is my favourite Seether song. I've heard it's about the suicide of one of the band members brothers, but to be honest, I don't think that matters since it can apply to many situations. It makes me cry, which means its a good song in my books! Most of Seether's songs are like this, and even if they don't seem to have any certain meaning, if any meaning at all, they're still fabulous to rock out to ^.^

The video above is just for laughs :D

Maya o Maya, ma garchu timi lai nai (: It's Nepalese aha (:

Protest The Pope March! Fxck the Pope (But Use A Condom!)

2010-09-19T00:00:00.006+01:00

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Catholics, at all. I've got more of a problem with outdated beliefs and the ridiculous things that are being said - and the lack of action taken against child abusers. It really worries me that such a huge religion would hold back sex abuse files from the police. What example is that setting? And does the Pope really think that God will forgive him for that?

Anyway, many people made many interesting points today. It was lovely to see such a large amount of people all fighting for the same thing - equality and justice for everyone. It was another one of those things that gives me hope in humanity, that the world can be saved from all the crap that the human race has done to it (:

Aha I love the above picture :D Ghost busters Pope :D And the one above is Nazi Pope ^.^

I really don't understand how one person can be allowed into England with crimes, or having allowed crimes, that would prevent other people from being allowed entry. Does the word 'Pope' in front of his name give him immunity from the law? And why should we have to pay the huge amount of money for his visit? Has he not noticed that we're in debt right now whilst he's head of one of the richest organisations in the world?

Peace and love ♥

Let's All Go And Protest Against The Pope!

2010-09-18T11:46:00.004+01:00

Gahh. Looks like it might not be happening now. Me going that is... the protest is still on. Silly Alais wants to go swimming which means we can't meet till about 2... We might catch it at Trafalgar square or something though, but the trains are being their normal asshole selves. Seriously. The Tube is a waste of money. You pay a ton to have to use slow replacement buses. It's sad times :(

Anyway, I watched this movie probably months ago now, but something someone said to me yesterday reminded me of it, and what a lovely movie it is. It's got a strange story line, and I must admit that I thought I wouldn't like it, but it turned out to be really good, and something I would recommend, although at first I was only watching it to find out what the page said.

It's called Heartbreak Library, and is a Korean Romance. As you might know, I believe that Korean Romance's and Romcom's are the best around (:

Anyway, back to the movie. It's about a guy who's girlfriend (a bibliophile - she reads many, many, many books) has left him, leaving only a note with "Look up page 198" written on it. In his search for it, and ripping out ever page 198 of any book he thinks it might be, he gets caught by the Librarian, who ends up helping him.

It's just a really cute and original story. It's something that I have never thought of before, and I do recommend you watch it (:

Click here to watch on MySoju.com

Or watch the trailer below:

Sorry for the lack of subtitles :( If I could speak/read/write Korean, I would translate. But I can't :(

And this is the soundtrack (:

Anyway, I'm off to play Sims 3, then to get ready for the maybe protest and China Town. If I have never said before, then mui and bay is THE place to eat :D

Bye bye (: ♥

I think I've become addicted to chilis.

2010-09-12T20:28:00.004+01:00

I have been reluctant to write in this thing of late since I've found out that more people read it than I thought. And I know it sounds stupid. "Jess, it's a blog. A public blog. What did you think was going to happen with it?"

And my answer to that would be this:

"I did believe that this blog would be another blog of the many millions, probably millions, of blogs to go unread in cyberspace. And I also believed that only people who cared would read it."

But no. Apparently people from India, America, China and even Poland have somehow come across this in their web surfing journey, and that momentarily put me off writing.

Well... that and the fact that I've been really busy since school started.

Back to the chili thing. As a very, VERY English person, spicy food isn't my kind of food. It's unbearably hot, unpleasant and I wonder why people would put themselves through that. However, I somehow have been building up my heat resistance through silly little things at first, like some mildly spicy BBQ sauce or some sweet chili sauce with my chips, and now I'm pretty much eating chili something or other out of the pot its in whenever I visit the fridge. I think that I'm going to turn into a huge chili monster, who can breathe fire.

Oh wow that sounds cool! I so want to do that :D

Anyway, a few photo updates:

As you can see, Sangam is really a monster and our noses are really pink and green. Sangam thinks my Halloween costume idea is ridiculous. I could go get one of those massive leopard print bras from Asda with a huge cup size such as:

and cut eye holes and a mouth hole out of each cup to make a Siamese leopard mask, and then dress up in dodgy leopard print clothes, AND BE A SIAMESE LEOPARD! Or, I've had an even better idea. Use leopard print and zebra print to make a Siamese hybrid that has escaped from the nearby laboratories and is terrorising the town for sweets... MWUHAHAHAHA

Oh, and a quick "I'm doing this" thing. On Saturday, I will be on the Protest the Pope march in London. As you know, I am not a racist person, or intolerant. I accept people from every race, religion or culture, and have nothing against anybody. Except maybe this guy. I don't see why a man should be allowed to enter the country just because he has 'Pope' in front of his name when other people would be stopped from entering if they were to be known for having the same opinions as him.

Click here for the march info

Maybe I'll see some of you there ;)

Well, I guess I'll be saying my farewells in order to start my masses of homework. Until next time, folks... Byeeee :D ♥

This Nepali Rap Song Is Hilarious :D

2010-09-05T13:03:00.005+01:00

Seriously. It came up on my YouTube recommended list, and with Sangam being Nepali, I wanted to watch it to see if there was anything I could use to take the piss out of him. (In a loving way of course. I don't mean anything I say. Nepal seems to be a good country, and anyone who fights for the British is fine by me. Although kind of stupid... aha).

Anyway, some of the lyrics of this song are "Yeh neggar, he's a big don man, dealer of the drugs and says to me 'what's your name neggar never ever give up.'" I don't know if the spelling is wrong and something else is meant instead of "neggar" but I am hoping it is, and that it is some weird Nepali word, because I'd hate for some Nepali person to be beaten up through the use of this word at the wrong time with the wrong people.

Anyway, watch it and laugh, because this sounds nothing like hip hop to me :D

Peace out ♥

GCSE Results...

2010-08-24T22:13:00.004+01:00

Went fabulously :D Considering I was expecting a hell of a lot of B's and a couple C's (predicted mostly A's and B's but hey, I tend to underestimate myself), but I ended up getting 9 A's and 2 B's! The B's were in maths and geography, but hey, who gives a toss?

I even got an A in art. And I can't draw... So something went weird there...

This is going to be short, because although I'm ecstatic about my results, I'm not feeling too great right now. No, its not alcohol related. I've been almost completley sober for a couple of hours now. This is something else.

Have a picture.

Inception and Knight And Day

2010-08-18T19:11:00.004+01:00

I've had a very busy few cinema days (both today and yesterday) and so I thought I'd write about the two movies I saw. I'm not normally a person to watch movies, so my attention wasn't always there for both films, but hey. I'll give it a shot ^.^

I will start with Inception, as that is what I saw yesterday. This is the movie that has been given excellent ratings by newspapers and websites alike, and which does indeed have very good graphics and very good acting, one of the best movies I have seen in that sense, but the story line was quite hard to follow, and to be honest, the ending sucked. I found the ending quite predictable.

Now for Knight And Day. I don't know what is up with me today. Maybe it's because I didn't really enjoy these movies that all of my creativity has gone. For a movie that's supposed to be a comedy, it is not very funny at all. The funniest scene they've shown in the adverts which are playing everywhere, so by the time you watch it, it's not funny anymore. The funniest thing in that cinema today was the staff member with the anti-piracy telescope looking for filming. However, good acting again here, great stunts and the story line was alright. Nothing special - predictable, but good.

Anyway. I think this will be the end of my uninspired blog today. Seriously. Those movies have sucked the will to live out of me!

Cheerio ♥

Back from Blackpool, and what a lot of

2010-08-16T23:02:00.005+01:00

fun that was... If you know me, you'll know that there are two things I dislike in a person. Those two things being:

a) a northern accent (that "ooh why-aye" "chuck" thing)

and

b) an age with a number above 70.

Reason a I dislike because I find it hard to understand what people are saying, and b because they tend to become miserable and depressed and slow and annoying.

However, there were some cool people there. The picture above is of a streetdrawing artist, who did some amazing work! Seriously. He should've done my art coursework for me. And Pleasure Beach was very fun with my darling brother (: Went on pretty much all of the rides, and had an epic time (:

Today is Sangam and mine (I never know how to write that...) 7 month anniversary, and as a gift, he bought me 7 carnations! It was so sweet! One of my favourite flowers for each month we'd been together! They look so pretty! I really was bedazzled when he gave them to me. I was quite close to tears.

I had a lovely day with him. We went up to Camden and walked around, ate some Nandos, chilled out and spent valuable time together. Then on the way back, the trains buggered up and I ended up missing karate :( So that's two weeks in a row without it. I'm going to get very far behind.

Anyway, I'll post about more interesting stuff some other time aha (:
Love ♥

Tess of the D'Urbervilles

2010-08-10T21:10:00.009+01:00

I can normally read a book within a couple of days tops if its got many many pages, but with this book, I really struggled. Not because it is a bad book - in fact, it is far from it. I can safely say that this book did not fail to make me cry, which in my opinion, is a very hard thing to make me do through words unless music accompanies it.

It is the story of a young girl (Tess Durbyville) whose parents find out that they have an ancient high cast heritage. On the way to market one day, Tess accidental kills their only horse which is pretty much their livelihood, which means that Tess's parents send her off to claim family ties with the rich D'Urbervilles. This is where the trouble begins. As soon as things being looking up again for Tess, they become bad again. It's a lot like a Greek tragedy in this sense.

Anyway, the reason why it took me so long to read this was just because it can be quite a full on book if you're not used to Hardy's writing style. Also, the version I had had a lot of endnote's to help the reader understand quotations that Hardy had used throughout the novel, as well as old fashioned language. It's a really good book, and if you're into reading, then go for it. You can't go wrong :D

And I'm so happy today! Mero mitho hanso's come back from his cousins :D He surprised me this morning by showing up without telling me, which was lovely! I've missed him so much. Seriously. It's been unimaginable how much I've missed that guy. And I'm gutted because now I'm going away!

I can pretty much guarentee this will be my last post until Sunday earliest, unless something interesting happens tomorrow, like Sangam buys me flowers or something :P

Peace out ♥

Jess is going away

2010-08-09T00:56:00.008+01:00

To Blackpool. Of all the glamorous places in the entire world, I'm going to Blackpool. Okay, it's to go see my great grandma who isn't my great grandma because she's my grandpa's mum and my grandpa's my mum's step dad... (hmm... I must invent an easier way to explain this...)

However much that may or may not confuse you, the real deal is that I'm going down to Blackpool, for a few days, and basically, I won't be able to update (or I might... depends on my credit...) for a little while. Although no one really reads this anyway. I kind of like that though. It's as if I am constantly talking to myself and trying to sell myself my life and how "awesome" it is. (My life is awesome. Don't get me wrong. It's kind of been dead for a few days though.)

My mum's been on holiday and has essentially left us to house sit. I've been a good kid, and not thrown any parties. This is the sort of event you want a downstairs toilet for, so without one I've not had a party :( She isn't coming to Blackpool with me, for any random reader who might be planning to break into my house to steal my very expensive Bunny (had since childhood. Has a mangina, several holes, no face really... oh and a dodgy leg) or to steal the bin out of my room (if you're lovely you can have my address and tidy it for me).

As you can tell from my lovely random assortment of photos taken at my aunts house, and one from London, and another in Africa (from my day trip. I saw an elephant. I know it looks painted but its real. Swear.) I keep using brackets today. Maybe it's an obsession... Maybe I should get to the point. Look at this woman's hair. I'm all for individuality and everything, but I'm not into people looking like idiots. It's so unfortunate! The style, the colour... just everything. On the brighter side, the background is quite the picture, and I realise how fortunate I am to have Central London a 30 minute drive or a 20 minute train journey from my house.

TELETUBBIES! The love of my childhood. Well this blog has been about nothing. Honestly. It's literally a random assortment of words that I have puked up onto the computer screen. If you bothered to read this, then you're an angel, and kudos to you (: I think you should tell me (:

Love Jess x

Madina Lake Gig... And You'll Be Amazed At The Secrets I Keep

2010-08-04T18:56:00.006+01:00

I always said that I would get around to blogging my gigs properly. I go to quite a few, and always have an ace time (apart from maybe the Arctic Monkey's... was a bit dead....). Today's gig was at the Camden Barfly, which I must say I've never been to before, and it was definitely smaller than I thought it would be. It was like sitting in my front room with Madina Lake in front of me. Tres odd. And it was a day time gig... I'm used to going in when the suns up and leaving when the stars are up. Another strange experience for me.

Anyway, the set they played was fab, and for someone who isn't an avid Madina Lake fan it was great because there was only a couple of songs I didn't know. However, Matt wasn't there for reasons that I can't be bothered to google.

Gahh (: Blurs are just the best memories (: Too much jumping and moving for decent photos to be honest, but I think this one here's of Nathan, who I touched. He was sweaty so I didn't touch him for long D:

I had a great time! Apart from the bit where he seemed to be talking about living life for hours. I felt like I was being preached at a wee bit. Overall though, a fantastic day! Madina Lake - go see them live (:

I have no idea what the sound quality of this is like... If I remember, it is "True Love" from their album "From Them, Through Us, To You". No idea if you will get that from this very short clip (too much partying for Jess) so I'll also link a decent quality YouTube version, so you can kind of experience this great band.

Peace out! ♥

Later note: The comment has marked me as 'insensitive'. I have the deepest sympathy for the situation of Matt, as I'm sure everyone does. However, when I go to a gig, I do not expect to feel like I'm sitting in a church sermon between songs. Thanks. (:

Lunacy Boutique

2010-08-02T14:50:00.008+01:00

I know that I literally just blogged, but I've found this clothing website that has just the cutest stuff ever on it! A TINY bit out of my price range, but I know I could save up for some of the stuff!

Check out this dress!

How adorable! It is £69.00 but who wouldn't wear that as often as possible?!

And these hairclips!
They are so realistic! They've made me hungry... I might have to dip into my own pic'n'mix now :D

Click here for Lunacy Boutique. So coot! :D

The Samsung Genio Slide is a bit Fit.

2010-08-02T13:53:00.003+01:00

When I say it is fit, I mean it. It is everything you want in a phone, at an excellent price. However, with all the excellent reviews it has (I read over a hundred reviews to make sure it was what I wanted, and only about 5 of them were negative), I had to gamble on the camera.

Although it is a 3.2 megapixel camera, it doesn't come with a flash, so I didn't know how night time photos would come out, if they would come out at all.

I resized the image badly. Ahaa (: And this isn't a very good example of how good this camera is on night mode. I was in a nightclub here, which is why everythings red. Of course the picture isn't incredibly clear, and can look a bit grainy, but that is still better quality than most mobile phone cameras.

This is another photo taken in the nightmode option. Again, the image still isn't very clear, but for a camera that doesn't have a flash, it takes amazing night time photos.

Other things about the camera that isn't always mentioned... the smile searching thing... it'll only take photos when everyone's smiling if you have this turned on. There's also that really cool panoramic view, where you can take one long photo of the landscape in one go. You've got sports mode, landscape mode, portrait mode, as well as really cool edits.

It's worth the money. It really is. To read more specifications, click here (:

Huo Xu Wo De Xin Ni Bu Dong... It Started With A Kiss

2010-08-02T00:19:00.006+01:00

I know I've been watching this forever (well to be honest... really slowly because I'm a busy person), but I am still totally in love with It Started With A Kiss. I've not got anywhere near They Kiss Again, but to be honest, who needs to? Everyone rates the second series more than the first, but I can't see how anything could be better than the first!

For starters, look at Ariel Lin and how cute she is! Isn't she to die for?! There's not many humans that I want to eat, but she looks so sweet! And her sad face! Aww!

And then there's Joe Chen and Jiro Wang in it... Eye candy much! NOMNOMNOM! ^_^ What I wouldn't do for a piece of that! The cast is just smokin', and the story line, although unbearably predictable sometimes, is also incredible.

See! How awesome are the cast?!

And how coot is the kissing?!

Sorry for the lack of subtitles, but youtube can be a bit of a fail. If you want to watch, it is on the epic website My Soju, so check it out! :D

Over and out maytees :D

My Love, Always You, Only You. Vanilla Unity.

2010-07-31T22:03:00.007+01:00

Vanilla Unity... ♥

One of my new favourite bands. They're KRock/Korean Emo, and it really does remind me of what my music scene used to be like before it began to go downhill. It's got beautiful lyrics, rhythm that makes your heart ache and all the originality you could wish for. For anyone who wants some decent 'emo' music, these guys are the ones to listen to. Hero and How Can I Forget You, from their album "Love" are absolutley amazing. Whilst their most recent album "Commonplace" isn't as great, it is still alright, and a hell of a lot better than that emo crap thats been turning up lately, or lack of it.

And I really don't care how old these guys are. They're amazing.

Album info:

Album Name: Love

Language: Korean & English

Genre: Rock/Emo Rock

01 . Gypsohpila

02 . Something & More

03 . How Can I Forget You?

04 . Crying On

05 . Tomorrow

06 . Understand

07 . Hero

08 . Sorry 2

09 . Crave

10 . Singing Sun

11 . Sorry

12 . Trust Me

To taste this album download here. However, please support artists by buying their creations, k?! (:

ex ex oh

I can't be your friend unless I pretend

2010-07-24T20:52:00.006+01:00

Frog umbrella (: Lovely summer days in Hyde Park (: The food prices are a rip off though ):
Heather Jayne and Devon Helen (: A paddling pool on a trampoline... it's just genius.
I'M IN A BUS :D
My snug. Totally love it :D Didn't hurt as much as I thought it would either (:

Every Time I Try To Fly I Fall, Without My Wings, I Feel So Small...

2010-07-22T22:39:00.008+01:00

Every time I look at his page and there's a message from one of them, a tiny bit of me dies inside.

Ahhhh coolest afternoon in a long time :D I've not met a good old randomer since... I can't even remember. People seem to be so unfriendly right now. And I can promise you that the rain caused it! As soon as the cracks of thunder rolled their way across the sky, and the illuminating flashes of lightning lit the world whilst rain plummeted down towards the earth, then everyone became so friendly.

People were laughing at other people making phone calls asking for a lift home from the station, people joked about the rain and how it would ruin their hair. England needs rain to keep people happy. I promise you. Anyway, back to the story of meeting a good old randomer.

Alais and I had got off the train, me with my froggy umbrella in hand, towering above my head, her umbrella up as well, all in an awful attempt to keep dry. The rain was just too strong. To avoid having to swim home, we took some shelter underneath the railway bridge, and met this, may I say rather hot, guy with the cutest puppy you will ever see.

So we just joked around a bit with him. You know. Offered to take his puppy home for him. Apparently it's chipped. I say "Damn!" in a funny way. We all laugh. Then we discussed how the sky one side of the bridge looked like heaven, whilst the other looked like hell, and how nice it was to see blue sky when it was raining.

And later on there was a rainbow (:

Anyway. I'm bored of typing. Love n' ting.

Happy 6 Months...

2010-07-16T17:49:00.008+01:00

Sangam Rai, I love you way too much.

Damn Right Hoe, You're So Sleazy, You Give Me The Heebie Jeebies...

2010-07-09T00:23:00.007+01:00

You make my pi pi hard, my pi pi hard ;)

Brokecyde are incredibly crap whilst being immensley cool all at the same time. They're one of my cheese bands fer shure (:

Sometimes I really wish I could skip 7 years into the future. I hate not knowing what the future holds, but I also hate knowing that the people, or one person, that I really want in it, might not be there... So in a way, I want to see my future to see if they still are, because right now, they are my future, and I can't see that changing any time soon.

Thomas has got his Jack Petchey thing tomorrow. He is in the final! I am so proud of him (: It's for public speaking. He's already won an iPod touch, so the prize now is £3000 for the school and £2000 for himself. I really hope he wins because he deserves to, even though he drives me mad sometimes.

I always forget that there are more people in the world in love than me. I was in London again earlier, and the amount of people who were in love was huge. It's one of those things that you feel like you discover for the first time when it happens to you, and the rest of the world continues buzzing on whilst you're just wrapped up in your bundle of love or whatever.

Talking of love, its our 6 months coming up soon (: I've spent about an hour drawing. I'll put a picture up of it some time soon, if I remember. I look like an alien and Sangam looks constipated, but for me its good.

I should really think about going to bed... but at the same time I don't want to. I feel peaceful during the night. I don't know why. I get on better with people too. Maybe the moon makes me more social (:

I was discussing with Bijal earlier how I prefer going out with a small group of friends (4 max) whilst she likes to go out with a big group of friends (4 min.) I tend to find in big groups, people get left out. Especially if the numbers aren't even. And that any decisions made are on the majority, so not everyone would be happy. Whereas in a small group, it's easier to compromise, and you can spend quality time with someone, and chances are no one will get left out. I think its one of those things that depends on the person. I've never had too much fun in a large group - I've been in them and had fun, but I've always felt a bit lost.

I went to London today with Alais and Maisie. It was a good time (: However, I don't feel that I can be as open with Maisie around as when it is just Alais and I, which is strange because Maisie used to be one of my closest friends. I think we've just grown apart dramatically - I'm way more mature than she is. I do believe that it is because her mum restricts her a lot. I don't understand parents who stop their children from going out and experiencing things. At some point, your child will have to move out, and if they can't do simple things such as order in a restaurant confidently, or know how to get home if the last train has gone, then how would they survive the adult world? I believe children are too molly-coddled today. I can see parents in 10 years time wrapping their kids up in cotton wool and making them breathe in air from tanks so no nasty cigarette fumes will blacken their lungs, whilst walking them to and from everywhere even though they're 20 years old. It's crazy times.

Anyway, this is Jess, over and out (:

Dan wo xin li yi zhi you sheng yin gen wo gao bai, ta shuo bu neng mei you ni de cun zai...

2010-07-08T00:41:00.004+01:00

But in my heart, there's a voice confessing to me, saying that I can't live without you...

I can't believe that people at 16 years of age are only just realising to "fuck fakes" and to stick with "their true wunns". It's sort of like... either people are really slow, or have put up with a lot of shit for many years. Damn G's. LMAO

Anyway, prom was amazing. Everything about it was just epic (: Including the after party where everyone got trashed (: One of the best nights of my life (:

Besides that, I've just been a busy bee. Out and about, chillaxing after those awful exams, which fingers crossed I've done alright in.

Anyway, I might go sleep. Night xo

Oh Darling Do You Know, Do You Know How You Got So Lovely?

2010-06-25T19:55:00.003+01:00

Argh! Prom in less than a week! And I'm actually quite excited ^_^ I love my dress and my shoes, so now only hair and makeup to worry about (: But ya'know. That'll roll how it rolls.

Hopefully the woman thats coming on Wednesday's dayum good (:

I feel so bad! I thought someone was going to do something earlier but they didn't... I judged them badly, and wrong. I feel so guilty!

RAWRMONSTUHH

Take a long hard look at yourself, how did you end up here?

2010-06-19T01:33:00.003+01:00

I hate it when people think they can get away with lying to me. I'm a perceptive girl, and I can read most people like a book. And it hurts more when its someone close that you suspect is lying to you. Especially when you don't only suspect, but know that they're lying, because you know them better than they know themselves.

My brain is so confused becuase it's tired ^.^ Babysitting last night was almost a disaster. Heather was ace, but Devon wouldn't settle, bless her little cotton socks.

I think I need a really long sleep. It's strange because tonight I can't sleep, even though I know I am exhausted. I have no idea why. My brain is in a weird place tonight.

Something that I wrote in here upset Sangam. Although he's 'forgotten' what it was. How can he expect to have a relatinshp with me if he never tells me exactly what I've done to upset him? How can I change it? I can tell what he's feeling pretty damn well but I can't read minds. I don't think i would want to anyway.

Anyway, I've gotta run.
I hope that you're folding stars.

Then You Wouldn't Have To Say That You Love Me, Coz I'd Already Know

2010-06-15T23:50:00.003+01:00

My "amazing" GIMP skills. In the unlikely event anyone cares this is the brief instruction on how to make this image.

HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME IN THE STARS USING GIMP:

Go and nick a nice starry sky background off of google. It's quick, and in some cases creates a more realistic background than generating.

Make a transparent layer. All work is done on this layer, so if you want to, lock it.

Get a reasonably small paintbrush and on the transparent layer (coz we're always working on it, see? ;]) write a message.

After this, go into Filters > Light > Sparkle

Then it gets complicated, and it is literally trial and error. Just fiddle around with the sliders. I found that if I had the top 4 options nearer the bottom half of the slider, and the bottom options nearer the top of the slider (apart from transparency), that I got the best look. But literally, it is just trial and error, depending on how you want it to look.

Finally, adjust the brightness (Colour > Brightness/Contrast) so it looks more realistic, but still stands out. Et voila, your message written in the stars (:

When I say it's trial and error, I mean it. I've done a couple of these images now, and each time the sliders are different. It really depends on what you think looks best.

ilovesangamraidherai♥

Nae Sarang Eul Cheon Hae Jool Keo Ya

2010-06-13T22:42:00.002+01:00

♥

Mero Mitho Hanso Sangam Rai...

Ma Timi Lai Maya Garchu ^.^

Dherai ^_^

Sidekick rings, "what's up?" Holla!

2010-05-31T22:58:00.001+01:00

"whats up?"
LMAO
where to being. I joke :P
Just exams and things.
And a bit of a problem.
Sangam can't go out a lot during holidays and stuff coz his dad's strict
and I love him. I'm totally in love with him. So not seeing him for a week or two weeks or only for a 10 mins or so during a long period of time absolutley kills me. And I really don't know if I can go on with it. I know that people suffer more, like some people are at war right now and won't see their partner for months and months and they mgiht not come back alive, but it's more frustrating when they're literally ten minutes down the road and you can't see them.

oh well.

byes.

uh-oh.

2010-03-31T23:02:00.002+01:00

Just uh-oh.
I can't really write down what or why. Or much to be honest.
No names. No anything in particular.
Just uh-oh.
Well I was around someones house and their dad came home and i'm not supposed to even be friends with this person let alone anything else
and just eurgh. Poor guy. It's not fair on him ;[
and then
another thing
blaa i hate not being able to say anything. I know it's stupid becuase this is a blog... but the chance of someone reading it....
dunno, maybe i'll make an anonymous one or something D:

<3

Children Grow Up Too Fast Because of the Media? Think Again Government.

2010-03-28T14:26:00.010+01:00

I have exams coming up, and lately I've been wondering if I am doing them for me, or someone else. Not in the sense that I have the option to not take them... They're compulsory because they're GCSE's, but I feel like the work I've been putting into it isn't for me, isn't for what I want to do. It feels like it's more for my mum or my teachers or everyone around me who expects me to do well becuase I am 'intelligent'.

I've had to choose my A Level options, and I've chosen Chemistry, Biology, Eng Lit and Psychology. I aim to be a dentist, but if failing that a psychologist would be good. If I am totally honest, all I want to do it get married and have kids. I don't see how having a good job would make me any happier. I want lots of kids, even if some are adopted. And I know it might be "oh, but you need money to have lots of kids", but to kids, money isn't important. As a child I never thought "oh I wish we had more money. My house is falling apart." As long as you can afford food and some sort of roof over your head, then isn't that all you need to nurture a child? Look at cavemen. They didn't have what we have, and they managed fine.

The government is bullshit. I was looking through work I did as a child, and I found nursery work sheets where they were trying to teah me how to write my name. Well, I could already write my name, so it was making it neater, but that's not the point. As a four-year-old, you shouldn't be worrying about writing your name, or even being made to pick up a pencil. You should be playing dress up and splashing water and digging up worms. The government blames the media for making children grow up too fast, when maybe they should look at themselves. As a child, I don't remember watching TV and thinking "ooh, that man and woman are kissing. I want to kiss too" at all. It was just TV. I think children aren't as impressionable as they are pressumed to be. The behaviour I did copy was my mums.

I should probably be doing some sort of work instead of sitting here typing crap about how faulty the government is and how I don't feel like I'm being true to myself... but I honestly can't be bothered.

In the words of Daisy Mole...

2010-02-06T22:51:00.004Z

Happy People Don't Need To Keep Diaries.

CSUNDCW3M6KR

You're The Only Reason I'm Trying

2010-01-18T21:50:00.003Z

I don't remember why I first spoke to him, or how it happened. It feels like many many years ago now. But I guess that doesn't matter. When people go on describing their past, where they met so and so and how it was instant... why focus on that?
Live for the present, not the past. Besides, the person you first meet is seldom the same person 6 months down the line.

As I said. I don't remember why I first spoke to him, or how it happened. But I'm really glad I did.

♥ 16.01.10 ♥

christmas

2009-12-27T18:43:00.003Z

was lovely. And I'm so grateful for everything I've got (: ABSOLUTLEY LUFFERRLYYY =D

I'm tired, fed up, and I hate Harrow. It's mad how much I don't want to be here. Just when thing begin to look up, something happens and you hurtle back towards Earth at 150 mph, with not a lot there to slow you down.

Ah well.

I hope everyone had a fab crimbo, and that you all have an excellent new year <3

I Don't Know Why

2009-12-13T19:08:00.000Z

I'm bored.
Very.

more mocks mocks mocks.
silly mocks
boring mocks
want to stay in bed all day mocks

nomnomnom

<3

It's Only You.

2009-12-12T22:51:00.002Z

I have this heart necklace, thats hollow in the middle, and the actual heart shape's is made from swirly metal... I want to put him inside it. And carry him around with me.

For Gods sake.

;[

I Think

2009-12-05T21:52:00.001Z

I'm in love with him.

And Its The Stars That Lie To You.

2009-11-29T00:23:00.000Z

I've been sent links to a few Korean movies lately. I'm not a crying sort of person when it comes to movies, but these REALLY had me going. I don't know if its because of who sent them to me, or if they'e genuinley that sad.

Argh
I hate the world.
A lot.
<3

The Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real

2009-11-24T19:18:00.001Z

Argh. I really do hate caring so much.
I've been watching this movie called My Sassy Girl (the korean version obv.) that Sangam linked me to, and its just made me so sad. I can relate to the girl so damn much.

I can't be assed with this.
I'm a bit too upset.
Just a tad.

They Fall Through Your Fingers In Flakes.

2009-11-07T19:25:00.000Z

3oh!3 was so cool on Tuesday. I might put the vid up one day, but I might not. (: Really depends.

The past few weeks have been crap. I've probably mentioned all this before. People really aren't who you think they are, and it's times like these when you realise that. I hate how everyone's your 'best friend' when times are good, and you're feeling good, yet when one tiny factor changes, then everything changes. You might not always talk to best friends, but yu know they'll always be there. Which just proves that only two of my 'best friends' are actually my best friends. Sad, but true. And that everyone else isn't even really a friend, because they're all quite self centred. Okay, I'm not perfect, and I'm only human, so of course I'm selfish, but I always try to listen to other people and their problems. People rarely know if I'm sad, because I know that I've got to stay strong for other people as well.

It's just not easy being a teenager I think.

This Is Jess. Over And Out. (:

Green makes me smiley on the inside.

2009-10-21T19:18:00.000+01:00

I reckon I might begin having trust issues again. I don't know if I was obvious about liking the boy I like without realising, or if someone I told has gone and told someone else (We'll call them F). The only person who knows and would tell F, is Ashk, because no one else I know really talks to F. However lovely F is. F is really good at reading body language though, so it was probably that. I'm going to find out, but I really am hoping it is just F being really good at reading body language, because I do trust Ashk maybe a bit too much for someone that I'm not very close to anymore.

Trust is always my downfall. I either have too much or not enough.

I need half term. Everyone needs half term. We're all walking around brain dead and screaming for escape. I still want a challenge. This 'A* level maths' stuff shes given us latley, doesn't seem to be hard at all. Honestly, I hope it gets harder.

I've noticed that I say 'honestly' a lot in my blogs, and that I always seem to have a positive view on anything negative that happens. I don't want people thinknig thats false, but that is how I have to live my life. I cannot walk around seeing the negative in everything all the time. Although, however much I try to see the positive, I'm not really as positive as this blog makes me seem. I'm a normal human, who always tries to "look on the bright side of life" *whistle whistle whistle*.

God I like that boy so much. I'm just going to start calling the boy S, because the people who read this know who it is. GOD GOD GOD I WANT HIM. Not in a sexual way. Not yet anyway ;) Oi Oi Savaloy and all that jazz. (:

The amount of song quotes i'm using at the moment. Disgusting.

Alright. I need to do my English coursework before I go for a shower.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS<3

I'M GOING MAD. SERIOUSLY.

2009-10-16T18:26:00.001+01:00

I really like this boy.

As in...

I haven't liked anyone this much in....

years?

I don't know.

And it's a shocker to everyone I've told because he's so unlikely.

I just find everything about him cute - his manners, his smile, his hugs, his everything.

ARGH And I'm going mad because I seem to alwyas be thinking about him and people are telling me things that I can't hold in because I know too much so I'm having to unpile on my mum which isn't fair.

Maths makes me mad. I want to kill that robot woman. Having a go at me about my homework. Damn whore.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM
REALLY REALLY
I might cry. It's emotional like.

eurgh

tomorrow will be good (:
Maisie + Alais <3

woowoo

I Wish Ignorance Was My New Best Friend.

2009-10-04T20:27:00.001+01:00

To be quite honest, I hate my friends. Not as in... proper hate them, but when you're ill, you do expect the odd "How are you doing" bla bla bla text. Off of my two best friends I got that, but off of the other three who are supposedly my 'best friends' I've heard nothing. Even though they knew I spent Thursday up at a hospital for heart check ups (everything's fine. Have to go because my dad died of some unknown thing 12 years ago which they currently call Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Reckon it had something to do with the heart.) I mean, I understand if they didn't have credit, but they all have facebook. It makes me feel really down and lonely. A few months ago, I felt quite popular. Not as in majorly popular, but I had a larger circle of friends than I'd had for a while. But now I realise that at the end of the day, I'm pretty much back to the same few people who have always been there for me. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for that. Without them I'd go mad. However, it does take the piss when I seem to make the effort when other people are sick. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Jamie. Where do I start with this delusional shit? He tells me he loves me. Yet he never texts and never calls. It's a good thing that I decided a while ago that I didn't ever want to go back out with him again. He seems to think that he can't find the time to send me simple texts or anything because of all the work he's doing, yet I know for a fact that he sits on his computer playing CoD for hours on end. Of course you don't love me then, you jackass. You think love is the feeling you get in your dick whenever you see me. Asshole.

Then that fucking Kenshi fag. Or Nikesh to be precise. He's too much of a complete and utter pussyhole to call me fat to my face, yet he's cosntantly saying it behind my back. If he hadn't been such a perverted freak, then we would still be friends right now. I really don't understand how he found my actions towards him offensive when I spent 6 months feeling uncomfortable whenever I spoke to him. He's just pissed that he started getting caught being a pervert. I wish he'd get over himself. There's more chance of me loving Hitler than there is of me ever loving him - regardless of me being 'fat' as he says. At least I don't buy shitty earrings to try and be someone I'm not. I have pure issuses with this guy and I am really considering punching his lights out. Then again... he might enjoy it. And I don't want that. At all.

I need to go. And maybe cry. Or keep talking on msn. Or Something. For serious. I'm seeing red.

Byes.

School Times.

2009-09-22T18:52:00.003+01:00

Shitty school. Honestly. I wake up every morning, and wonder if there's any point of going to school since its now really hard to get into college and uni. Besides, my teachers all seem to be useless, so I might as well teach myself. I could do a goddamn better job I tell you.

Amy's party last weekend was FAB. I still have the bruises from paintballing, but they were so worth it. :D Mega thumbs up Amy Baby

Poor Jamie. He thinks he stands another chance but I woke up a few days ago and found myself too happy to see someone else. It's bad stuff, man. Bad stuff.

On a good note, I love netball. Not love love love, but just love. As in, I love doing it after school once a week because it's fun.

Ooh and November's going to rock. Literally. 3OH!3, Muse and The Arctic Monkeys. Fer Shure I'm excited. :)

However, school will still get me down until then. Guess I'll just have to depend on my awesome and lovely friends to keep me going without a suspension or getting in trouble with the law.

Anyways, I've got to do homework.

Joy of joys.

That shit makes me want to become religious.

Peace out Boy Scout

Holidays

2009-08-24T22:45:00.000+01:00

I must admit that I am unable to tell you the place where I spent last week. I keep think it is Haverford or something along those lines, but it isn't. It's in England, a twenty minute or so drive from north Wales... it was in the middle of nowhere. I went to Sydmonds Yat or something... it was quite fun. Lovely weather. Lovely people.

Tom and I went in a pedalo on this tiny lake somewhere in Wales. The boy there was beautiful. The sort of beautiful where you want to cry, throw up and hug the stranger all at the same time. It wrenched my little heart.

Now I'm in Bournemouth, waiting for Alais to come. She was supposed to come down today, but her grandma got ill and she had to rush up to see her bla bla bla. Tomorrow though (:

Today I ran into the sea. Full clothed. Well, my shoes were off, and I had attempted to roll up my jeans... but I'm a nutter. I might as well have gone in with my shoes as well.

Alright, I'm off to dream my fucked up scary dreams. And maybe write some more of my crazy, fucked up story.

Night and God bless. (If you believe in God. To be honest, I'm agnostic. So just normal blessings to anyone else out there)
xo

Maybe.

2009-08-11T21:42:00.001+01:00

Maybe I've gone and fucked things all up again.
Man oh man.
I hate being so... unsure of my own mind. It drives me nuts. Do I want him, or don't I want him? Well, I don't think it matters anymore because I'm pretty sure I've completely lost him. I'm so damn confused.

My past few day have been interesting. Family fights. People fights. Apparently he wasn't planning to use more for sex. And apparently I'm still just as bad anger management wise as when I was 5.

Here's to a strange summer holiday.

FTW I MISS THE MURRAY. ;[

TRAGUS!

2009-07-29T16:57:00.001+01:00

Today I got my tragus pierced.

Randomly... yes. I've wanted it done for a while, and I only went to grasshopper to see if they would do it. I was willing to come back in a couple of days or whatever. But they shoved the needled through within ten minutes of me asking for a neat £25. The piercing is purple (: I'm dead chuffed with it (: It did hurt for about ten seconds, but it definitely is worth the 'pain'. If you want it, get it. It's so cute (:

What else... Parties. Yeppo.

My summer one was ace. All I can remember is laughing a lot and random dancing (: And Maisie's party was fun. We filmed "Alais The Bridal Story" (youtube it), which was HILARIOUS =D I love that girl (:

Yesterday I went ice skating with Satjeet, Tom N, Nandesh, Maisie, Jay and Anna. My ankles are bruised like a bitch. However, I can now skate like a pro :D Dead happy times (:

Ach. Too busy. I would like a sleeping day.

Tomorrow - Tom's birthday.

Friday - Sleeping day methinks

Sat - Tom goes away (WOO!)

Sun - Tina's party

Then next week of random shizz.

Then another week of random shizz.

Then a holiday for a week.

Then a week in Bournemouth.

Then methinks a week or two until school? D:

Year 11. The dreaded final year of high school. Eurgh. I'm too lazy to do it.

Random blog - yes. Does it make any sense to

anyone? No. Only to me (: That's how I like it.

10 Random Things You Need To Know About Me.

2009-07-11T19:44:00.001+01:00

1) I love it when it's raining yet the sky is still blue. It amazes me.

2) I'm one of those awful people who star gazes and wishes on shooting stars. I also watch sunrises and sunsets. I'm a massive romantic. I'd rather someone pick me a daisy than buy me a bunch of roses.

3) I am obsessive writer. Apparently I'm very poetic.

4) I have a habit of bursting into laughter at really inappropriate times. Today I found out someones boyfriend had died and I cracked up because the girlfriend looks like a man... whatever. I laugh at the wrong time. I always have and I always will.

5) I really like going on adventures. I hate it when people always want to spend money on going out. All I need is a train ticket and I'm a happy bunny.

6) You will never know when I'm upset unless I'm crying. I can hide my feelings well.

7) I hate being centre of attention. It makes me blush. I feel awkward and naked.

8) I can fit into any stereotype. I listen to all types of music - I'm eclectic. I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in - be it 'emo' one day or 'chav' the next. I hate stereotyping. It's killing the world.

9) I'm addicted to noodles and orange juice. Yum (:

10) Jimmy Carr's laugh is so damn sexy. I also love Matt Tuck. I would have them all day every day if I could. nomnomnom (:

Now I'm bored again :P

Deeper Feelings.

2009-07-10T22:41:00.002+01:00

Is it bad to compare experiences to the past? Every time I go somewhere, I will compare it to the last time I went there. I guess everyone does that, right? And I guess everyone also compares boyfriends/girlfriends to exes. However, is it bad if you always compare your current boyfriend or girlfriend to one ex continuously? Does it work like that for other people or just me? It's really getting on my nerves to be frank. I long to give everyone a clean slate - their own chance, but I can't. I let past experiences get in the way, and as soon as it isn't like it, I more or less give up.

Maybe deep down I'm not as over him as I like to think I am. I haven't seen him properly in a couple of months, but I still manage to compare, compare, compare. I hate admitting things like this to anyone or anything - but I feel safest doing it here.

Should the past be the past forever? Or should we relive the past?

Eurgh.

I love my work experience. I know I'm going to miss the kiddies when they go on Tuesday. I might cry! I feel I have a real attatchment to some of them, and after hearing how far they have developed over a year, nothing but pride has flown through every inch of my body and soul. I want them all to succeed in the future. I feel like a parent. I'm a bit of a gay.

Right. I need sleep. Nighty night.

Peace and rice (:

Gay Pride LONDON July 09

2009-07-04T22:12:00.000+01:00

Fer Sure.

It was amazing.

There are a couple of artists on my iPod which I ashamedly have on there, and ashamedly wanted to see live... and I got two of those today... and I didn't even expect it.

I woke up this morning planning to go to Harrowfest. Well, I did go to Harrowfest. It was lame so I left with ConRawr and Alais, and we ended up in Trafalgar Square. It was the most fun I've had in ages and I love my rainbow flag. I love gay pride. I always catch it in Paris, too. I hate homophobes - so I pretty much have a problem with 3/4 of my year at school.

There is nothing wrong with being gay at all. You don't have the choice if you're gay or not - you are born that way. So all you religious people who say it's wrong... why the hell did God create it then?

Needed to get that off my chest. Bring on the next one :D

Freedom.

2009-07-02T16:52:00.002+01:00

Freedom means many things for many people.

It could mean the strong force of opression being lifted off your shoulders after a long or even short period of time. It could mean feeling sand running through your toes and the wind blowing through you hair. It could be an experience which lets you spread your wings and learn new things about yourself.

Or it could be like what I have. The freedom of not being a constant worry all the time.

Amir and I have broken up. It was pretty muh mutual. As soon as he said that he needed to 'sleep on it' (I'd asked him to either fix it or leave me), then I realised that he wasn't worth it. You should know if someone is special enough to keep in your life regardless. It was his fault we weren't that close anymore anyway. However, we shall hopefully be friends from now on.

Another form of my freedom is a lot like the awful wing spreading cliche - work experience. I get to do something new. I'm working at a nursery with what appears to be a lovely bunch of people. I honestly do hope that I learn something new about myself and pick up skills I might need in the future.

Also, the summer holidays. New places. New people. I can't wait to waste days lying in the park or not bothering to get out of bed until the sun has set again. I need to experience new things right now - I'm almost killing myself with boredom. I don't feel challenged at school, and I fancy a challenge.

Paris was amazing. I can't remember if I blogged on it last time or what. I was with the ebst bunch of people ever in one of the most amazing cities in the world, and I am so grateful. There is not one thing I would change. The break from Harrow was just the thing I needed to get my priorities right and to work out what I needed to do to make myself happy again. I've now taken steps towards that, so hopefully I should be pretty much elated all the time from now on.

Gosh. I'm just so... I can't find a word. I'm feeling mellow as. I've got a gig tonight at school. Not that I am in it... I'm just watching. I get the feeling it's going to be good, and I wish everyone in it the best of luck right now.

I'm off to enjoy the freedom which I will seldom get once I leave school.

Peace and love. ♥

Je T'aime, Paris.

2009-06-30T18:34:00.000+01:00

C'etait etonnant. I can't speak French for shit though.

I hate being home. Coming back makes me realise just how shit England is. I know that it'd be the opposite if I'd lived in France all my life, but it isn't so WIN for me.

There was not a single bad moment when I was there. It was full of laughs and jokes and 'learning' and I think it is the best school trip I've ever been on. I would do quite a bit to relive it.

Paris also made me forget about my coursework, the problems that I seem to be facing with Amir (will explain in a bit) and all the other irritating things which come with GCSE's and life generally.

Right. Amir. Fun. He's been so distant. I keep wondering if he's going to dump me. I hate being pushy and seeming pushy, but if he's going to do it I just want him to get it over with. It most probably is just the concert and stuff he's got coming up, because that is what he says it is, but my insecurity always gets the best of me. I will cheer up and let him be for a while.

EURGH. I WANT PARIS. NOW. NOW. NOW.

Insecurities.

2009-06-20T10:38:00.001+01:00

It's ridiculous.

I seem to be nothing other than insecure all the time. Eurgh. Everything's great. EV-ER-EEE-THING. But something is always niggling at me.

Usually the "he's getting bored" thing.

Especially since he gets onr eally well with this girl who must have "beer tasting nipples" or something. ahaa I Love Ten things I hate about you. It's amazing. Honestly though, she thinks she's irresistable, but she does have quite a few boys after her at the moment. I feel threatened by someone a year younger than me. What is my problem? Ah well.

I'm going to take that thought and make it illegal.

I love marmaduke duke too :D

Mannnnnnnnn.

I've done 2 out of 4 of my exams now. Only got one science and a geography to go. WOO WOO

and then Paris on Thursday :D :D

I Can't wait. It's going to be epic (:

HAPPY BDAY RISHI :D :D

I Lubb Choo Muchly. My Best Maytee :D :D

I Wish....

2009-06-10T18:28:00.001+01:00

That my mum would fuck off.

There is no way in hell that I am draining her of money. How often do I buy things? Rarely. Besides, she's the one who spends the most money when she goes down the pub. Fuck you.

That Amir would fucking see me.

Okay, he's ill. I get that. Very ill. I get that too. But Jesus. Alright. I'm being selfish and greedy there. I just want him all the time, and that's bad and sort of like smothering him. I need to step back and wait till he's better. That's all. I'll leave him be and stop being mad. Selfish Jess.

That I could do all my exams this week.

I'm fuck ready for them and can't be assed to waste time in the next few weeks doing them. Year 10 GCSE's. Takes the piss.

That I could stop swearing.

It really makes people think I'm stupid. It lowers the person I really am. I don't need to swear really. I just can't stop.

That the Muse gig would come now.

I LOVE THEM.

That I could see The Blackout again.

I LOVE THEM TOO.

That I could see BFMV again.

I LOVE THEM THE MOSTEST.

That I had a job.

A paper round. Babysitting. Anything. It's not fair that mum should pay for everything.

That religion didn't matter.

The next time I hear people grouping religions I might scream. I don't care what religion anyone is, so why should anyone else? Yes. Us "white people" are all rascist aren't we? That's why we're going around defining people by race. Oh, and of course... you "can't be rascist to a white person". If I could remember what fucker said that, I'd punch their lights out. If it's about white people, and it's offensive, then of course it's rascist you knob. And what about people going around and calling their own race by something that would be offensive if I were to say it. If I can't say it, then you can't fucking say it. If you disagree you can kiss my ass.

Most of all, I wish that people would get a fucking life.

And fuck off out of mine.

Right. Rant over. I love mum really. And for the win:

http://www.myspace.com/dusttheority They're awesome. I love them, too.

Heather's amazing.

2009-05-28T11:32:00.001+01:00

Ach. What good times (:

Tomorrow- Jinal's Bday (: WOOP WOOP

I hope she likes her pressie =]

And also THE BLACKOUT :D

I should most probably start doing gig write ups or something... but I usually forget most of it... bad memory you see.

Mum wrote off the car on Saturday, so we've got a new one - a Ford Focus or something. It's green, and we need a name for it apparently. Never named our car before, so why we're starting now I don't know.

Heather my bubba. She's hilarious. Had a lovely family day yesterday, with just Tom, Heather and I. I can get her to say and do anything. I wanted her to say "I scissor sistered with your mum" to Tom, because he was rude to her, and she said "I scissor sistered with my mum", but she said it SO loudly, that everyone around us looked. I think I was almost wetting myself laughing. Her monster faces are just the scariest.

I'm off out with the AmirCat later. Probably going bus riding. And getting off when we feel like it. I'm easy going like that. I love adventures, so hopefully this one will be good.

Ahhhh I'm just so excited!! I don't want half term to end though :( I can't be assed to start revising for my science and geography exams, and I definitley can't be assed to do my coursework.

I'd give the world to you, and I mean it, but only if you give me the sky.

Love Jess. ;)

I'm poorly sick :(

2009-05-12T18:35:00.001+01:00

Damn it!
I've been asleep most of the day. I didn't bother getting out of bed until 3. I missed everyone at school though. Bad times :(

Although my day has been quite short and therefore rather unproductive, I have actually managed to get some art coursework done (: thumbs up for Jess :D

I still don't know what to write in these things....

AMIR'S GAYYY (:

there we go (:

byes xo

Baby, You Amaze Me

2009-05-11T20:07:00.000+01:00

My Amazing Alais Makes Me Laugh ^

Yum Yum Yum.

An average day for an average Jess.

The faggot school has blocked all the good bits off for the damn A level students. No hang out =[
Bad times =[

Butttttttttttttttttttttt.... There's a strange new cafe thing down at the market, so Alais and I will check it out (:

Amy makes me laugh like mad (:

My Amircat is amazing and he makes me smile so much (: AHA If anyone read my last blog group thingy, then you might be confused... Ashk and I are not going out anymore. It's all about the Amir. LMAO (: His hugs are the warmest hugs ever (: Lalala melty Jess (:

I can't be fucked with this today. I'm feeling lazy and I'm in need of lots of hugs (:

Toodles xo